It's Christmas

Just wanted to wish all a Merry Christmas, from me to you.

As this year also comes to a end, like most it had Joy and Sadness, saying hello and goodbye to friends and family. In no time at all it will pass into history, along with every other that has gone before. What will this new year bring? Only with time will we each learn the answer. Hope that it brings out the very best in everyone, roll with the punches living life lands, let the heart lead the path as we go. Taking the lessons we have learned, letting the pain and hurt of the past go, holding on to it, is not helpful as we travel ahead. Put no limits or judgement or fear, of what is to comes. Remember with all thing's, it is what it is until, it isn't what it once was. Love to all, let the love of your heart lead you always. Mary  

I have a problem with any semi-automatic gun!

The main reason I've heard given for, wanting or needing a semi-automatic handgun or rifle. Is because, someone may or might miss who they are shooting at, what if there is more than one would be attacker. After being in the Army for a large part of my adult life and being around guns all of my life. That reason holds no water with me or any of the people I've served with. The 2nd amendment to the United States Constitution is the part of the United States Bill of Rights that protects the right of the people to keep and bear arms. I agree that we should not take this right away from anyone who wants or needs a handgun, rifle and or a shotgun. The problem I have is any semi-automatic be it handgun or rifle, are weapons meant to kill many more than just one or two people. Why they are not very effective is control, only the first shot fired is aimed the kick changes the following shots maybe off enough to hit something or someone, the shooter had not intended to hit. Another statement repeated by some people is, “I’ll only shoot if my life is in danger or if I’m provoked” that in and of its self, worries me a great deal. In all the training I've had or given emotions is the first thing, any shooter must have total control of before picking up a gun or weapon. The statement what if I miss? Is all about training, learning and practice it takes a great deal of time. Taking a safety course is only a first step, training on how to aim or sight in a target at gun range is easy. Taking it from there to any situation takes time to learn the level of concentration to focus on what you are doing as well as everything what’s happening around you. Don’t forget to check yourself if you miss or not someone will die because of the action your about to take and now pull the trigger! The time from concentration to trigger will need to take you a second or two. This no matter the outcome is something you will live with, for the rest of your life. Some say it’s easier to take a life, than it is to live with the fact that you ended a life.

For me having a gun, I can control is much more important then how many shots it can fire with one pull of the trigger. The only good reason to having a gun is to save a life. Yes I have owned guns, because of the only good reason I no longer own any guns, I would prefer to lose my life then to take one. There are better ways to keep yourself and loved ones safe in your home then having a gun.
 

V.A. Creative Arts Competition

Thank's to all who voted, ended turning in two reflections #27 and #17. Neither made the cut, was told I still have time if I want to submit a few more. Told them maybe next year, I'm looking forward to seeing all the entries in March. 

Perception of observations

Perception of observations
By Mary K. Mennenga

It's what I choose to see

Of the world around me

Glancing back is history

Learned

To see beyond what blocks my view

Seeing the wonder of
The living world I stand upon
Is it growing, dying or changing
Could the earth be saying
You take without knowing or understanding
The reason it's there
Each action you take, causes a reaction by me
You seem not to understand you can't live without me
Since you care so little of my well being
No need to worry I will find my balance
It's all up to you if it's
With or without you.

With my written reflections done. I've found I have more I want to write in this format. The difference is I'm writing without input from my mom, of course her teachings still affect how I see the world around me. Not sure what to call them this being the first, no clue where I'm going or what will come next. It's a bit of what's been rolling around in my head and in the pages of my journals that I still write in and keep today. Guess if there are more I'll find a name for them then.      

Nacho's recycled toy's

Reducing my carbon foot print

A tiny bit of having fun

A bit of fun.

Did see my Doctor on Tuesday yep running even more tests. My speech could be part of the progression, waiting to hear from my neurologist. Needing much more fun and funny stuff. Nacho is a great source for a great deal of that.                                                                                                                                                    

Didn't even think this could happen!

Of course if it has anything to do with muscles, M.S. can and does toss a huge monkey wrench into living life. Dealing with changes M.S. continually forces me to make, I'll bottled it up inside, not sharing it with anyone. Yes my silly pride still gets in my way. Thinking I could hide it by not speaking unless I had to, using two to four words answers this worked for a while when it stopped. Using every trick I knew to prevent people from noticing. Go as far as blaming people for not listening to me! The last time I said that to Jane, she got an odd look on her face and said “I don’t understand you, it sounds like your talking in a different language!” As she said it the feelings of guilt washed over me. Finally telling Jane everything, it had started back in July, with my words coming out in the wrong order, to the point where my words coming out more as sounds than words! No I did not have a stroke! It’s my M.S. slowly progressing. The tongue is made up of whole bunch of muscles and it’s also an organ. Any hoot! The muscles of my tongue are being affected by M.S. fatigue and spasticity so they’re not working right or as a team most of the time. I'm able to talk it just takes longer to get my words out, in a way that people can understand me. The longer I talk the harder it is to speak clearly. It’s another adjustment in the long list of adjustments I've had to make because of M.S. I admit this is the hardest adjustment I've had to make by far. As always I’ll continue to find ways to work around and within my ever changing limitations.

After many years of talking on the phone, for far too long with many different people M.S. has quieted and calmed my long windiness. Not really a bad thing because, I tend to talk way too much anyway. As with most of the ability M.S. has taken, I've learned new ways of doing what I want to keep doing. With this one I've noticed how much emotion, comes from the words people use or maybe it's because I wasn't paying attention. Yep, over time I do seem to find a positive way of looking at the adjustments, I've had to make as I travel through my life. There are more than enough negatives in life, I choose not to hold on to them too long. That's all!

The training with Nacho is going great, he now understands the hand signs, the noise I make as well as the number of clicks of most of the commands used on his walks. Very glad he's a smart dog or he would be pulling me around and down on our walk's

This is the look I get from Nacho when it's time to play!

He still is a puppy!

Happy Thanksgiving to eveyone

I have a great deal to be thankful for today, my family and friends. Our new buddy Nacho who is such a joy and yes I’ll be glad when he grows out of the puppy stage. With so many of our service members coming home and rejoining their families, welcome home we are all very proud of you and thank you for your service.

Now I want to share a bit of good news, I’m sure many people may disagree and that’s okay. The Heath Care reform act is the law of the land. At the V.A. hospital the horror stories about waiting for hours even when you have an appointment to see a doctor, having to wait for months to get an appointment is gone. How did this change? The V.A. has been asking for a new computer system since the mid 80’s, finally it came from the health care reform law. The V.A. hospital and Health care system, nationwide received the new computer system at first it was a bit messy. What it’s done by reducing fraud and stoped double dipping and paid for it's self. Has stream lined operations and the horror of wasting the whole day for one appointment is gone, as is waiting three months to get in. Now my doctor can and does email me to get my tests done before I see them saving a visit and has the results before I see them. Arriving for my appointment I've been called in before or on time. Even with the budget cuts made to the V.A. I still get great care, with this one tool the V.A. has become a leaner care giving team, like the hero's it serves.

I do believe if people are given the right tools, they will do great things. There are some people that only look at what's in it for them. From the old we can learn that history is lived, understanding if we don't learn it's lessens we will repeat the same mistakes again. As for sick and broken of which I'm one, are we a waste of space and time, just a drain on the system not worth saving. If so to heck with you! For without these groups of people, the break through's in learning how the human body, mind and the brain work's or how to fix it. Not long ago it was stated that humans only use 10% of our brains and the rest was just storage.  There is still so much that is unknown.

The Creative Arts Competition

The list is narrowing down nicely on my list of reflections the top five so far are.

1. # 27 You being you is amazing
2. # 17 To the few who feel the help given wasn't much help
3. # 16 In the span of life
4. # 12 "words"
5. # 1 My dream

Thank you so much, to all who have already voted. Going from 53 to 5 is a great start and a much more manageable list. I'll enter the top one into the competition on December 4, when I go into see my doctor at the Minneapolis V.A. hospital.

Thank's for helping me with this, I appreciate and value your input.            

Creative Arts Competition

2013 Minneapolis V.A. health care system. Held every year I'm eligible and   thinking of entering this year. Last year I saw part of the creative writing entries all were very good. Not sure which one of my reflection to submit for the competition.

Links and list to Written Reflections

So if you have a favorite and want to let me know by putting the number in a comment. Going to see my doctor on the 4 of December before the dead line. Worth the risk, to at least give it a try. This will be a first for me to put anything I've written into a competition, if I don't chicken out.                                                                                                                                                                    

#19 Reflections Love as a word and a feeling

Love as a word and a feeling

By Mary K. Mennenga

Love as a word is tossed around too freely

Love as an action is showing people they're important enough

For you to take the first risk, by opening up knowing

You could end up getting rejected

But sharing this act of kindness that some may only rarely see

That my friend is why love really isn't a word

But a feeling that's been put into action 

The older I get,

I'm saying goodbye more often than I'm saying hello, I don't find it sad living and dying are part's of life. What I remember the most are the people who have touched my life enriching it as they come, stay and or go. The amount of time that was spent together isn't as important, it's what we each gained in the time spent together. Haven't had a friend that agreed with me on every issue and I'm glad, be a bit boring if we did. Have been told many times I shouldn't talk about subjects like politics and religion but I still do. It's cost me a few friends over the years. It's too bad in a the way because, if by questioning each others perspective on these two issues, puts a wedge in our friendship it's sad.
Looking at information in different ways because no one see things in the same way. It helps me to see information from an opposite points of view, to challenge my own view. Time and history has taught me I don't know what I don't know! Learning also if I'm unwilling to listen with an open mind to people they will do the same to me, if not it ends in a shouting match and we both lose.

Where to start?

That's the hard part, I've been trying for a few days and failing. Allowing myself to be side tracked isn't hard with a puppy like Nacho, training plus reinforcing it over and over again is time consuming with M.S. reducing my energy levels has taken it's toll. Nacho is worth it, hes smart strong willed luckily not as stubborn as I am! He brightens my days and is great company. Nacho and I go for walks and is no longer afraid of my walker. Being a pointer any small animal or bird he sees he wants to chase but because of his training he doesn't. Thankfully hes a quickly learner or he would have dragged me, half way down the street walker and all. So he points I say leave it and we move on most of the time I'm happy to say.

Jane's mother had been sick for a long time and passed away October 11, 2012. John her youngest son has lived with her all his life. Losing his best friend and Mom on the same day has been hard on him, John has problems and has not lived on his own, he took good care of his Mom. She hung on to life for him until Jane  let her know that we would make sure John was okay. We are helping him so he can stay in the only home he has ever known. Time will tell if he'll be able to make it.

The reason why this has been hard to write is, the spasms of my heart muscle are continuing, more annoying then worrisome on the scale mom used, it's two springs poking through on my side of the bed. The ringing in my ears is at such a high pitch and loud, making it harder to concentrate or sleep. Using headphones helps it doesn't stop the ringing, it does make it easier to deal with and that's good enough for now. Being unable to speak in a way, that can be understood by anyone, is happening more often and lasting longer. It's so frustrating wanting to join into a conversion or answer the phone! When I try to speak what comes out isn't what I wanted to say the words are all mixed up or come out as sounds, I'll try again which makes it worse. So far losing physical abilities has been easier to handle. Because I'm able to find a way to work around or make adjustments to how I do the thing's I want to get done. My vision is a pain closing one eye, isn't working as well, because my eye gets tired faster. I used to love watching action movies, sports and fireworks on the T.V. Now the switching from scene to scene, seem to happen much faster it's too much information for my brain, I'll feel sick to my stomach and headache, then I'll see four of everything and it's all moving around, all I can do is close my eyes and be very still. The really weird part is with my eyes closed, I'll see waves of colors floating in and out of view. When it stops I'm able to open my eyes again, as long as I don't try to focus on any one thing, I can get where I need to be laying down in bed but I don't fall asleep, I just wait until I see two of everything that's what my normal vision is. Most of the time I just listen to the T.V.

Walking and training Nacho helps me deal with the stress. The fall colors have been beautiful this year even with it being so dry. Watching the oak trees  slowly changing colors has been great. However the leaf's building up on the sidewalk makes walking a bit harder, so the walks are getting shorter most of the trees have lost their leafs the oak trees are the last to fall. Soon the city will clean the streets and the season of brown will begin and our walks will get longer again. Do hope we have more snow cover then last winter, if not we are keeping leaf's around the base of the trees to help so the roots don't freeze and to retain water to prevent too much winter kill last year was a hard one on trees. With Nacho I've started using more hand signs, clicks, ticks and sounds along with the word commands (when I can say them) so either one will work Nacho is learning fast. When we walk I'm using the come-along leash, hes a dog and loves smelling who has been around, so I allow him a five count then give him a light pull after another 5 count I pull again a bit firmer and he comes. Never using enough force to make him choke or cause him pain. Because I want him to know it's okay to be a dog, it's a big part of his charm! When we walk there are rules we both must follow to keep everyone safe, he seems to understand that.

Writing this has taken much longer then I thought it would and is longer then I wanted it to be. My M.S. seems to be progressing faster, I hope with my stress level dropping I'll even out and go back to a slower pace of progression.  

 I'm head over heels in love with Nacho Man.

Living loving life

Is a choice

That is made everyday!

So much has been going on.

Soon I'll be posting it's been a bit nut's here! Nacho is fine training him is on going, being a puppy he seems to think everything is food or a chew toy.
My life is slowly finding a new normal, I'm looking forward to being able to read all the wonderful blogs again, I've miss that most of all.

Nacho is a joy to be around now if only he would sleep at night!

It's okay I don't sleep much anyway.

Hope all is well with everyone.

The growing season here has ended.

Putting the garden to rest for this year, is a sad day! It was a killing frost for my garden, with the temperatures only getting into the sixty's for highs, the wind blowing in dryer and colder air with so little moisture. The battle wasn't worth the energy I would use, to get such a small reward. As the sun moves south, I start thinking to next years garden not this year took out the compost bin, it's too big and more work then I'm able to deal with. Next year I'll do my herb's and add in some ground cover and perennial's that are less work, of course my potted flowers. Time to cut back a bit on a few things I do in the heat of summer, with my energy levels dropping so much in the heat of summer. 
Having Nacho who is a joy having around, he is fill out and getting stronger and bigger every day, thankfully hes taking the training very well. Still he is a puppy who loves chewing on his toys, now many no longer have stuffing in them but he still plays with them. Skyli came over last Saturday for a play date with Nacho they both had a great. Nacho treats Skyli more like his mom. Jane and Joyce took them both for a walk, I was glad for I needed a rest.

Most of the time I'm eating real food but I still need to go back to liquids for a few day's or a week at most, no need to worry my doctor is watching my levels closely and so far it's all good. Still my heat muscle is going into spasms not as strong or as long. There is nothing wrong with my heart, of course like most crap it all starts in my M.S. brain. The good part is I'm under 150 pounds for the first time in years! It's much easier getting around this way!

Have a question I want need to ask. Has one had or heard of a dog, that begs and I do mean the whole nine yards, with crying, whining acting as if he'll die a horrible death if he doesn't get some of those, raw vegetables carrots, cucumbers? In my life I for one have never seen a dog go nut's for raw vegetable! Nacho loves them just as much if not more then his dog treats!  

  

Life is a path decided by the choices we make.

If I were to count all the kindness I've been shown, kind words told to me. The times I've needed someone, to understand and someone was there.

At times in my life, the opposite has also been true. As I pushed people away with words and actions to show I didn't care or really need them, even if I did. Of course it worked great soon they were all gone, it's the same result each time.

So I talk to space and time it can not help me. Watching clouds float by, realizing the words I didn't say, the things I let slip by.

The fear I allowed to stop me is part of the reason why, I stopped telling people how I felt. Telling myself I didn't want anyone's pity or to see me as weak even though I know I am.

Over the years many of the people I called friends, I've pushed them away, for so long they have given up. A few knew and called me on it, so instead I held on to them tighter, after awhile they also were gone. Now I don't blame them at all, I put up a wall so thick and tall, no way they could see or hear me. 

Knowing and understanding why I did and still do this. Some see it as flaw, a way of letting some one go, before anyone can be really hurt by the other. The friendship in a way doesn't really end, each may still sent a Christmas card or call one another once a year or not at all for years. Then out of the blue one gets in touch with the other and soon that old friendship is renewed. History repeating it's self again so it's better to let be what it is until it isn't. One day we may met again on the road of life. One never really knows what the future may hold. There are so many choices that must be made, that may change the path of life we are on. 

Big dog toy shopping for Nacho.

All the toys we had were for smaller dog's, Nacho made short work  of removing stuffing and the squeakers didn't have a chance, Oh the horror of it all with pieces part's of each everywhere! Some were every old with half of the stuffing taken out of them long ago.

Nacho came with to help pick out his new toys, when we got home I started removing the tags and tossing each one into the living room, he talked and chewed each of them. Got him two new bigger balls that he can't push under the fence! Okay I'll admit I got them for me! Getting down to grab them wasn't much fun for me. Nacho has been sleeping for a few hours, hes so cute when he sleeps, his feet move like hes run after something. Softly I'll tell him to get them and his and his feet will move faster. The man of house is awake time to go out and play some more. Nacho is a joy to be around, to him things are something to eat or to play with and later try to find out if there's something to eat inside of it!

this may not work if it doesn't sorry.

Here is a link
https://plus.google.com/105710050643917879923/posts/3EFpJYV1dvZ

Scanned in old pictures of dogs.

These are some pictures of the dogs in my life, all have a special place in my heart. The negatives for these pictures are long gone with the passage of time. Making some one of a kind, the same can be said about each dog I've known.

Honey Girl

We got her when we moved to Wisconsin, she took to training like a champ house broken in two weeks. Border training was a must living in country with wild animals like  Bear, Bobcat's, and many other's. Deer and dog's where we lived was a problem because some people trained dog's to chase deer, making it easier to hunt by having the dog's chase the deer toward the hunting party! Like hunting isn't easy enough, having a gun! So if your dog is seen chasing a deer it can be shot on sight! The border training took only two months, we lived there for 13 years. Over the years the deer learned she would only go so far. Honey Girl would sit there barking for me to come out, so she could go over the border line. The Deer stood there eating teasing her because her back was to me I'd let the screen door slam, so she would turn to see me by the time she turned back around the deer were gone into the woods. She would follow me everywhere, with one exception the road when I went to the mail box. 

6 weeks old

Honey at 6 months

At age 13

The many faces

Of Honey Girl

The first Christmas in our house

Rusty and me 1972

Heidi was my dad's hunting dog, My dad taught Heidi how jump over the fence, bad part was he used our back yard fence to train her. Not long after that she was gone. Sorry no picture of her.
Rusty found me where I was 10 years old, becoming a part of our family. The name I gave him didn't stick thank goodness, didn't know the name I'd picked was a word you want to be yelling to a dog. My cousin Peter if I remember right was the one helped find a better name so I called Rusty and he turned around and looked at me. Not long after that I learned what name meant. Peter thank you so much! No I will not say what I wanted to call him. Rusty was a really great dog, we all loved him very much. Rusty had a few major flaws the ones I remember the most are.
Was him running away, don't how many times Mom had to get him from the dog pound but it was a lot. When Mom found out Rusty would just jump into the cage! Mom said she wasn't going pay to get him again! But she did many more times she loved him too!
My brothers and I would be watching T.V. when Mom would say ouey, ouey (ouch) and Rusty would start barking and chewing on mostly my brother's elbow, after we all calmed down asking why did she do that, she said "I thought you kids maybe getting bored.
One Christmas our cousin asked if he could feed Rusty who was feed one piece at a time or he would get sick, making it fun by balancing one on his nose, telling okay. After awhile my cousin asked how much does he eat? Mom didn't answer him instead she asked him how much have you given him? He answered with a number that I don't recall  I think it was between 3-5, normally Rusty got one pouch twice a day. All Mom said was that's enough. When Mom was asked why didn't you yell at him for feeding the dog way too much? Mom said "Because I didn't tell him how much to feed Rusty. It's really my fault, not his."

For me being the youngest and having a dog was great I was never lonely. Rusty never told me what to do or push me away because I was too little. Mean for no reason and fly off the handle. He listened to me even when I knew I wasn't making any sense. When I cried he gave me kisses would lay his head , always ready to play and rough house without hurting me. Guess that's why I get along with animals much better then I do most people, it's not sad it's the truth and I'm really okay with that.          

Nacho who has come to us from Greece

This is Nacho

He's got here on Saturday.  

Nacho is a mixed German wired hair pointer, the breed traits are spot on. He is a quick learner, calm and friendly the best part is he loves Jane and follows her everywhere, he likes me too. Nacho is so easy going, loves being petted. Enjoys going for walks and is really good on the leash, doesn't pull well until he sees a squirrel, he'll stop point giving Jane time to tell him no! He'll keep watching but doesn't try to run or chase it. The coolest part is Jane's in charge and in control he listens to her command's and mine. Which makes me very happy. If or when I get sick again they will have each other, so I can concentrate on getting better. Jane worries so much about me, Having Nacho to keep her busy will help her, so I won't need to worry about her.

Jane was hiding and he found her, I did the same and he didn't even look for me, until Jane asked him where I was. Nacho sees Jane as the alpha of our family and I'm really okay about it because she is. Facing the truth and admitting it isn't hard, doesn't mean I have to like it. 

    

Nacho has decided sleeping on his bed's is better then the floor.

He has moved the dog toys so he has some on or near each of his beds, he likes tug of war, he understands fetch bringing it back needs work. He's young and doing all the fun puppy stuff. He's met Sadie Brian's dog they will be sharing the yard it went really well, Brian and Nacho got along great, Lisse and Mr. Owen came over last night that was great, Mr. O at first wasn't sure he wanted to share Jane with this pup, Mr. O realized he didn't have a choice, Jane loves both of them so he made the best of it. Mr. Owen I think knows there's no way, Nacho will fit in Jane's chair with her in it, Mr. O is a very smart guy!

As for me, I keep messing up and calling Nacho Taco Jane and others keep correcting me. The question, is it brain fog or am I hunger for Taco's? Well I've never had a dog named after food. After Jane called him Taco, she said his name is Nacho! So that's what it is, I'll work harder at calling him Nacho.

Nacho has found a home in our hearts and we have found a home in his heart.

Not a clue!!

Even when all the cards are stacked against me and everything around me goes to shit, including what I'm able and capable of doing. Yes  I get mad as heck at my body and brain for failing me yet again. Lose it from time to time, I break down and fall on the floor in pieces my will to fight is gone. After I have no more tears, realizing I'm still here and why in the heck I'm I sitting on the floor, remembering that my willingness to fight was gone, but I ain't dead. So now I have to get my rear end off the floor! Note to self! Next time don't fall on the floor, just sit in a chair! Okay I know how silly that may sound to some, if you've had pain you know what I mean. It's not about giving up, it's letting go which is much harder to do. Admitting that I have no control over what M.S. will take or do to me next. However it's still up to me how I choose to continue living my life, with the extra bumps from M.S. that gets in my way! With M.S. as my companion in life it's never dull.

It's fun working on a problem and learning different ways of doing things, the reason why isn't. Because it means M.S. has gotten in my way again and something has stopped working. One example is taking a cap off a bottle of Gatorade or water, my fingers are weak and fatigue quickly and I drop stuff a lot, so I like to keep the top on, saves me from have to clean up. Turning the cap on and off  weakened the hand I was using to turn the cap, changing hands didn't work long enough. Then it came to me use the palm of my hand to hold the cap, then spin the bottle because it bigger, easier with less turns needed to open or close. Thinking outside the box isn't a big leap when your living with M.S. Having found many good tips from people living with M.S. Learning new ways of doing old things, isn't a choice it's more of a necessity. Like after I was stuck in the bathroom for an hour because, I couldn't turn the door knob to open the door, I tried using everything but nothing worked, all I had done was make my hands weaker. So I sat on the only seat, turns out a great spot to think! By the time I was able to open the door, I had thought of two ways that might work. Both worked end up putting step tread grip on the backside of the knob, the next day I did that to every door knob in the house.

The challenges that getting older and having M.S. brings. Looking at them as                                                                                        opportunities to learn new ways of doing, what I want to keep doing. Finding that by keeping my focus on the  positive, negativity and fear isn't able to keep me down for long or as often. Facing the facts, seeing the changes to my abilities happening faster, then I can make the adjustments for. No rose colored glasses for me, nor I'm willing to make excuses for my life long companion M.S. for I have little to no control over it. Sometimes I'm able to minimize the effect it has on me and some day's I can't! So I do the best I can with what I've that works. Every day I continue to seek a balance, in my ever changing life with M.S.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

WHY and WHAT!

WHY and WHAT!
By Mary K. Mennenga

I can't understand

Why words are used as weapons

Words hurt more when coming

From a friend

It's a hit to the heart

That eats from the inside out

Speaking your mind is one thing
Using words to knock a person down
Is always wrong
In life there are so many hard choices
That must be made to keep us safe
Everyone is different
 A decision had to be made
No matter what anyone thinks
Of the choice that was made
Remember
It wasn't your choice to make
Know me well enough to understand
It wasn't an easy choice to make
As with all the choices I've made in my life
I'm the one that will live
With the choice I made

The State Fair and other news.

The Minnesota State Fair, called by many the great Minnesota get together. Jane and I went on opening day along with over 103,000 other folks. It turned out to be a great day not to hot or cold with a nice breeze, so we both were comfortable. I rented a scooter, with hills and the distance for one end to the other it's the only way I could enjoy it. Every year Jane and I eat our way through the fair, most of the food at the fair is on a stick like Hot dish, Ice cream Sunday both are okay the best is a pork chop on a stick. With the number of people that come people watching is easy and it's Jane favorite pass time, after around 3 hours Jane said "Not one person looks the same!" The state fair is a huge mix of all the people that live in Minnesota, that really is a great part of the fair.

The 4H animals that make it to the state fair have already won at the local fair's across the state seeing how hard these young people work, knowing there will only be one winner the kids are all happy no matter who wins, a big part of the Minnesota nice we are called by some people I think, comes from those kid's.

The other news is a dog found our landlord's while on vacation in Greece, Her name is Elaina she is a Shepard mix. While Elaina was waiting to come here she made a friend and his name is Nacho long story short our landlord asked if we wanted to take care of Nacho until they can find him a forever home. After what Ben did to Jane, she wasn't sure about us getting another dog because she was so afraid of dogs. Knowing that we would dog sitting Mr. Owen he loves Janefor a few days at first Jane was a little jumpy but Mr. Owen is such a lover and follows Jane where ever she goes. By the time Mr. O's Mommy came home. Jane felt a lot better and started talking about Nacho and looking forward to taking care of him. So it's still a wait and see what our landlord's are going to do. When Elaina and Nacho arrive and they go and pick them up. They may have had a change heart or on trip back they may have falling in love, with Nachos as they did with Elaina.

This is the link to see a short video of Elaina and Nachos

http://youtu.be/gmqjGIuxC10

  

After all is said and done, I'm okay!

It's been a odd at times a hard few months. The good news is I've now lost 40lbs. Wasn't the right way to do it, still I'm glad it's gone less of me to luge around. My heart isn't going into spasm as often nor is it as painful. According to Jane I'm not turning as pale as often but, I look frail! Not a fan of anyone calling me frail even Jane. It's understandable with the weight lost, staying out of the sun because of the my med's. With it getting so hot so early then staying that way until August didn't help either. My stomach still isn't working most of the time, however it's working better than it did which is a positive sign. What I am eating has changed a great deal, moving to a much healthier variety of whole fresh foods, lean meats and smaller portions sizes. Having always been a junk food, sweet and chocolate eater. For the first time in my life I tossed out an almost full box of cookies we have had for at least two months, I've never had a box of cookies last long enough too go bad. Going shopping for the first in a long time last weekend and coming home without any candy, cookies or chocolate I do remember walking passed all of them but none of it looked good, that's a first for me! As Jane and I were putting everything away she said "Oh no we forgot to get you some treat's!" My telling her nothing looked good she responded with "Are you sure your Okay!" I said "I'm fine" Jane asked if I was lying to her! Now I don't always share how crappy I feel with her and she knows it, but when she calls me on it I won't lie to her, I'll tell her what's going on. Jane understands there isn't anything either of us can do about it. One of the hardest lessons I've had to understand, is letting go of the things I can't control is okay.

Having to put Ben down was hard I miss him. Knowing Ben is in a much better place, and so are we. It may be a long time before we think about getting another dog. Mr. Owen is staying with us he loves Jane and follows her everywhere. Lisse his human mom is letting him stay with us. Even before Lisse left, Owen had already started following Jane around all Lisse did was smile and shake her head.

Jane and I are planning on going to the Minnesota State fair on Thursday it's the first day of the fair. We both enjoy going, it's also the only kind of shopping Jane likes, just about everything to eat comes on a stick and seeing all the animals, people watching is easy with almost a hundred thousand going there each day.

It's okay to be a Dog

By Mary K. Mennenga
The pain and heartbreak you must have endured
Over the years
If we could go back and fix what went wrong

We would in a heart beat

Knowing and watching how far you had come

To Having it end this way

Has broken our heart's

Our time together was short

We'll never forget how you followed me around

Or the light you brought back into the house

You'll always have hearts that love you

I'm sure you've met some of our dear friends

Where you are

Now when Honey Girl teaches you to play keep away
It isn't my favorite game

No matter what she may say
We'll see you again
Remember you are Loved 

Warning this is about politics

I've deleted this post because I wrote for all the reason's 

Okay I'm off my soap box
For GOOD!
Better off letting the
Politicians do this!

The signs were there.

But my heart wasn't willing to see.

When Jane and I saw Ben on the Golden Valley Animal Humane Society web site, the more we read it sounded like a good fit for us. Because Ben was just 2 years old under weight they said he just needed a loving home. After we met Ben and spent time all together he warmed up to us and we started falling in love. So we started the paperwork of adoption, we both felt he needed us as much as we wanted him.

As we got the intake paperwork it didn't really match up with what we had been told or read on the web site. On the top it said Ben was seized because of cruelty/neglect but it also said he did not live with other animals. We were told  Ben was one of 220 dogs that lived in two trailer near Bemidji, MN. it also said he weighted 21 pounds but he only weighted 18 pounds. At the time this seemed like a minor over sight because of the number of dogs that came in with Ben.

Jane and I took Ben to the Vet to get him checked over and to make sure he was okay. The Vet told us the tarter buildup on his tooth and other signs put him at least 4 but more likely 5 years old. Of course in the week we had Ben, he had learned how to go up and down stairs and was gaining strength he seemed afraid of everything and everyone but Jane and I. Knowing Ben had lived most of his life in such horrible conditions, I questioned my judgement but he was doing so good and we loved so much. Ben got along fine with Owen and Grey Girl and his fear seemed to be changing into curiosity. When I took Ben in to get his Nails cut he bite the guy trying to clip him of course I blamed the guy because, I didn't want to see it for what it was. When Ben started growling and showing his teeth at Jane, because I need her help to get out of bed. We both down played it, we spent a lot of time teaching Ben how much we both needed Jane. Jane took over feeding him and she was the only one giving Ben treats. We both believed Ben had learned, he was interacting with her in positive ways. Until July 12 when I was taken away by Ambulance, at first I didn't see the change in him or maybe I didn't want to. I had been sick since the first of June it was really taking a toll, in that time I had lost around 25 pounds. A few weeks ago Jane, Ben and I were playing together on the floor when without reason or warning Ben bite Jane on the head it was a very good thing her face wasn't within his reach or it could have been much worst. This was now his second bite, there was a change in Ben's behavior even with me, I told Jane if Ben bites again I'm sorry but I'm not sure he can be trusted. On Wednesday night I had to go to the V.A. hospital Jane and Ben dropped me off. After I was done I called Jane to come and get me. When Jane and Ben got there I saw Ben had bitten her again, this time it wasn't a bite and release he chewed on her hand and didn't let go. Jane has a deep puncture wound on her left hand just below her thumb with chew marks on her palm. Jane kept saying it was all her fault, Jane wanted me to give Ben another chance! Telling her some times there are issues, that all the love we have can't fix.

As I was leaving Jane was crying telling me "Please give him one more chance for me." Even after being bitten twice Jane loved Ben so much she wanted him to stay. That's a risk I'm unwilling to take, Jane did nothing wrong if there is anyone to blame it's me. Hindsight is 20/20 if only I had been willing to see each bite for what it was. Jane's hand will heal, as for her heart that will take more time.

As for me the bond Ben and I made in life, will one day be renewed because I know all dog's go to haven.

Ben

Has bitten Jane for the second time and this one sent her to the doctor, it was a bad bite and Jane did nothing to cause this she keeps saying it was all her fault, but I know she is wrong. It's a very sad day for all of us. There really is no choice, Ben will have to be put down. It's not what best for us it's about what's best for Ben. Many friends are trying to make me feel guilty about this I don't. Having a dog that bites unprovoked isn't a pet and it's only a matter of time before he will bite again.

To be honest I guess I'm writing this because I feel horrible about failing both Ben and Jane. If it was just a bite and release out of shock but, it's wasn't he grabbed on and chewed, not wanting to let go. Just needed to write this out because of how bad I feel for both of them. Jane's hand is torn up bad, of course it will heal but that really isn't the point. Neither one of them feels safe and that's not a good place for anyone.

Got to say feel's good

To say I feel good! Will say I had my doubts more than a few times, no quit in this old gal! Thank's for all your prayers and positive thoughts, it meant so much to me.

Last weekend was the best I've felt in a long time! Got a much needed break from the heat with highs in upper 70's and lows in the 50's. Being able to be outside and open the windows instead of turning on the A/C. A touch of freedom from trying to keep the cool in and the hot out. Not to worry the heat is coming back today. Being outside hearing and watching the birds and squirrels playing well it looked that way to me. Visiting with the neighbors instead saying a quick Hi and Bye and have a good day or night was nice. Later as it cooled many had small fires. After it got quiet, I went back out with Ben I do enjoy when I can listen to the night sounds, looking up to see the stars. Living in the city and maybe 10 miles from the airport, those times are rare so I grab them every chance I can. It's time like these I think of home in Amery, Wisconsin when every night was like this. 

Now that I'm eating real food again, having now lost 30+ pounds I've reclaimed clothes some I haven't worn in over two years. I don't dislike going clothes shopping it's kind of fun until I see the price tag that is! Even if it's on sale, my goodness two nice outfits cost as much as I spend on food in a month! Yep I'm cheap I'll continue taking good care of the clothes I have, if an occasion comes up and depending on who will be there I'll decide if something new maybe needed.

Starting to feel balanced again I'll continue to work on that.

Eating real food / follow-up appointment

Now I've been eating solid food two meals a day for six day's and let me tell you chewing food is wonderful. This is the longest since this started on June first so life is tasting very good!

Had my first follow-up appointment on Tuesday with my V.A. Doctor, about that 2 am trip to the E.R. My doctor told me after 4 doses of Nitroglycerin and having those tests done in less then 12 hours! Those test's results had better have come out good. Of course Hennepin County Medical Center had not yet send it to my V.A. Dr. G. so she ran a few more tests increased one of my med's then I was off to blood draw to fill even more test tubes, for some odd reason I think with all the blood that's been taking from me, maybe blood letting does help? Just kidding!


Turns out it was a bigger deal than I thought it was. What the Doctor said they do know it wasn't a heart attack. The Doctor isn't yet sure which one of the following it could be Angina or Congestive Heart Failure, also learned M.S. is also a risk factor. Because the scars can show up anywhere within the brain or spinal cord it's rare but, not as rare as it was first thought to be. by Causing interference with major command function. It's one of the reasons having M.S. sucks so much! You just never know what it will take or do to you next! But hey life is a crap shoot anyway! So what!! All I can do is the best I can with the hand life has dealt me, I for one am not going to sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop or worry about something, I have no control of out come anyway. Until the Doctor finds out what it was and what course of action I need to take to handle this. I'll keep doing what I've been doing since I got sick, taking better care of that I'm eating by keeping it real food.


At the end of each day, I pray and thank God for this day. Asking for one more day, if the answer is no. That's okay I know either way I'll wake feeling God's love surrounding me. Each day is a gift and I'm thankful for each one I get.

May have jumped the gun just a bit.

Sorry about this, yesterday wasn't a good day. Maybe I should have waited until I read all the paperwork. Please remember I for one like to share good news, after setting up my follow up appointment with my Doctor at the V.A. they  informed me that needing 4 low dose aspirin, two spray of Nitroglycerin under my tongue on the way to the E.R. and then two more Nitroglycerin pills under my tongue after I got there. Wasn't very good news about my heart, it wasn't a heart attack but angina.

I see my Doctor on the 24 so I'll wait until she checks all my test's results before I blog about it again. I'm happy to say 70% of my diet is now solid food. Having made some small changes like eating real food. Surely my Doctor will tell me I need to make more changes, but I'll wait until after I see her to do that. Losing 26 pounds didn't hurt, it's nice most of my clothes fit again with a little more room to move around within them feels nice.  

Update on ... a bit of everyone

Started 7/11/2012
Let's start with the easy one first, it's going to get H-O-T again! Like I didn't see that one coming. haha Now for some good news Jane had her MRI & A, got the results today no change, will do a follow up in a year. (happy dancing)!! The garden is coming along with the smallest tomato's  and peppers showing up now, the flowers and herbs are enjoying the heat. The grass is in need of rain, watering isn't the same in so many ways when using city water. We may get some rain at the end of the week. Ben is getting much better at playing, he'll even bring me the toy because he wants to play fetch, he's getting stronger and has filled out nicely can't see his hip bones anymore. The shaking in fear is gone now he backs away with a growl and he barks like a big dog. The more he sees someone the better he is, Ben understands that I need help from Jane in more ways he getting better and now he only growls instead of showing her his teeth. As for me I'm holding up fine that heat wave wasn't any fun thank goodness for A/C! It's been nice being able to get outside even had a fire, in our new fire pit using the wood from the two trees one in front and the other in the backyard, each time the wind blows the old trees gives us more than enough dry wood for a nice little fire once in awhile.


Oop's 7/12/12 Was rudely interrupted by a 2:00am Ambulance ride to the  Hospital Emergency Room! Couldn't breath I thought and felt like I was having a heart attack. For many year's I've been told by many Doctor's my lung's had the start of C.O.P.D. and likely caused by emphysema, because I smoke cigarettes. I do have asthma triggered by mold that is controlled by keeps my home free of mold. Also been told by Doctor's that my heart muscle was weak due to anorexia and being under weight since I was a child until my late 20's. Most of my life I've had a low blood pressure reading averaging in 100~117 over 70~92,  I did have a heart attack caused by my blood pressure crashing that was many year ago. So I had little reason to think I was going to get any good news. 


After many blood test's, a stress test and many chest X-rays. The results came back, much to my surprise it all turned out to be good news. What they found was my lung's are clear of any blood clots, no C.O.P.D or emphysema my breath sounds were very good and my O2 stats rate were great 94~100% even then sleeping. The heart stress test results showed no blockage and found it to be strong and healthy, the heart enzymes blood tests came back good, only bad result was my protein level was low and they found that understandable because I've lost 24 pounds in the last six to eight weeks, was given liquid protein, let me tell you it tasted more like I was drinking salt worst tasting crap ever!!


7/13/12
Got back home late last night still not feeling that great, was told the stress test can cause that. Ben was so happy to see me, Jane was glad to have me home too, told me Ben had been looking for me and crying off and on the whole time I was gone. It's nice to know I was missed but, I didn't have any fun either so I too am very glad to be home. Will need to see my Doctor within the next few weeks, not looking forward to that and I have a few questions for her was well. Right now I'm just so glad to be back home and I'm starting to feel much better, still on a 60% liquid diet and eating only real food, the stuff that looks like it came from a plant and not a processing plant!! Maybe I'm better because I have been given good information, I didn't know before. So all in all I feel great about what I've learned in the 24 hours.   

Weather is weird

The heat wave for me has ended, there's another one coming next weekend. As with most it took a storm to move it out, with it being so hot Jane does most of the cooking on the grill, I'll make side dishes that are cooked in foil on the grill. Then it stays in the mid 80's at night the thought of cooking inside well, I'd rather have a bowl cereal, then heating up the house by cooking! The weather man said the front to cool us off wouldn't be coming in for a few hours, of course he was wrong again!  Jane was about half done cooking when the front and rain started, we moved the grill under cover just as the rain started. Because of the strong wind I was watching the grill and the rain. When I noticed to the north just two houses down, it looked like a wall of water,  in our yard it wasn't raining as hard, looking to the south it was lightly raining and it stayed that way until the rain stopped falling. Now I've seen this driving, a wall of rain falling knowing I'm going to drive right into it. This was something I've never seen before the wall of rain didn't move at all. Watching the small stream of water falling off the shed, two houses down it was more like a water fall.


This got me thinking of all the things, I've seen and learned because, m.s. has forced me to slow down, with my needing to stop and recover so I'm spending more time watching the world around me. Realizing this could have happened before but, I didn't take the time to watch. Leaving me to wonder what else have I missed because, I wasn't taking the time to watch! Now that my eyes are open, I'm looking forward to what I'll see and learn next.       

The Fourth of July

Thankfully things in this country have changed a lot since it's first Birthday! For me having been around for fifty of them, with age so much has changed. As a kid the whole family went to a lake for fun in the sun, food, swimming and a sunburn or two for about everyone! In my teens it was floating on an inner tube down a river with my Mom and her sisters and us kids. Good food, swimming and not as many sunburns. In my twenty's alcohol and partying with friends, getting out of town and far away from my family. Swimming including skinny dipping food was munches, more alcohol was consumed then food. Few slept alone that night, trying to remember the person's name the next today, to say good bye wasn't easy. When the light of day was burning into my head! After those wild years passed into history. It became what it once was all about family friends and firework's.

Now I work at finding my balance, between fun and a little sun, staying cool maybe a small fire, watching the fireworks show on T.V. Before I float off to sleep with my memories of the Fourth of July when I was a kid with my family, I say a little prayer thanking God for this day and asking if I could have one more day, if not that's okay either way I'll see You when I wake, Amen!

Hope everyone has a wonderful 4 of July!!     

So how does Mary's garden grow

It's not a very big garden this year no cucumbers, I've got one tomato and pepper plant, of course my herb's are doing fine. Didn't plant as much as last year. The weather has been weird here and all over the world. Spring came early two days later more like summer then back again to spring, a week later winter then not enough rain then too much. All my flowers and herbs are in pots so if we get too much rain they can drain and if not I can water. Tuesday we had a high heat index warning, I went out early in the morning to give everything a bit of water also gave birds, squirrel food and water. Waited until the sun isn't shinning in the yard anymore, before I went back out there.

My goodness it was and still is HOT, now it's not as bad as other place's. It's our first heat wave of the year, it's a bit early but normal isn't what it used to be well, not in my lifetime anyway. Slowly getting things done around the house no rush, was able to give Ben a bath this week, he does like being clean. The upside to being sick and having to change my diet is I've lost 19 pounds that I didn't need to lug around anymore and my clothes fit and it feels great! Having M.S is one thing add in the flu and my digestive system that makes more acid then it needs I think it has m.s. too it's scared my intestines, much of the time everything work's okay, this just isn't one of them. Soon I'll find normal again no need to worry, it's just I miss chewing my food, having more better day's then bad and that's a good sign.

How Ben learned to fetch.

Would like to say it was me but, honestly I very little to do with. Since Ben came to live with us Owen has been Ben's  best buddy. Owen is our friend and neighbor Lisse's dog who loves to play fetch and tug of war. When Lisse goes out of town we get to take care of him, he is wonderful and easy going little man. On Owen's first visit we were playing and Ben was just watching, Owen starting running around me and gave the toy to Ben who used it as a pillow. Owen did this until Ben had all the toys and was sound asleep on top of them. Over Father's day weekend Owen stayed over again, much to my surprise as Owen and were playing Ben started to join in, the three of us playing fetch and tug of war. It's great watching Ben feeling safe enough to have fun being a dog.

With play Ben is getting stronger and growing more confident. The shaking in fear is being replaced with curiosity. Hes warming up to Jane too that's making it easier on both of us, since I've been sick he's learned that without Jane's help I'm stuck! So instead of growling and showing his sharp white teeth at her, he wines softly to her, what a good dog hes becoming.  

   

I'm fed up with this being sick crap!

Getting better then Boom I'm taking two steps backward again! Starting over again. Tuesday started no good thought I was going to have to start over again! Feeling okay for the most part, afraid to eat much not wanting to push my stomach too far. Really not a fan of spending so much time in the bathroom, never been one for taking a long soak in the tub, that's what swimming is for. Feeling like I'm on a roller coaster ride that all I want to do is get off! Not to worry like with all things this too in time will pass. That's enough about being sick it's boring! Having so many other things I want to write about like; Ben, my garden and so much more other stuff I love. Next post will not be about being sick that's for sure!!  

An email forwarded to me from a friend.

That today I learned from another friend it's old news and has been around for years. Now I don't put other people's stuff on my blog. However this came as news to me. So for my friends that don't live in United States, please don't laugh too hard at me or us for too long. Learning that the people we vote to represent us in the United States Congress. Once there they no longer seem to work for the people who sent them there. If Warren Buffet wrote this and it's true which I hope it is but wish it's not. Understanding now why so much money is spent trying to get elected to public office, this year alone over a billion dollars will be spent in advertising not counting what will be spent in the race for President. 

This is a copy of the email that was sent to me

Winds of Change....

Warren Buffet is asking each addressee to forward

this email to a minimum of twenty people on their

address list; in turn ask each of those to do likewise.

This is one idea that really should be

passed around.

_*Congressional Reform Act of 2012*_

1. No Tenure / No Pension.

A Congressman/woman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they're out of office.

2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security.

The following was not in the email.

Did a bit of fact checking and this is what I found.

(As of  January, 1 1984 Congress participates in Social security.

Members of Congress receive retirement and health benefits under the same plans available to other federal employees. They become vested after five years of full participation.)

All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into

the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.

3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.

4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise.   Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.

7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen/women are void effective 12/31/12. The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen/women.

Congressmen/women made all these contracts for themselves. Serving in

Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their

term(s), then go home and back to work.

  

THIS IS HOW YOU FIX CONGRESS!

I guess We The People have little say in government when the people who make the laws don't have to abide by them. If my math is right 535 people make up the legislative branch of government. Members of Congress receive retirement and health benefits under the same plans available to other federal employees. They become vested after five years of full participation. Can anyone outside of congress say they are vested after only working for just 5 years? 

#5. Like to see how much they like the Health care system after paying for their own premiums for a few years.

It is my view that congress isn't working to make life better for the people of the this country, but then again we can't afford the advertising needed to get them elected but the new person named corporation can. One question the humans that work for a corporation do they get to vote twice? Once as a human then as a corporation. Just saying don't make sense, why The United State Supreme Court ruled that way. I maybe wrong about everything I wrote in this. Just saying what I think, the system doesn't work right or the way it should.

Okay I'll get off my soap box now thanks for reading!    

Dislike when it starts out with...

... And I was doing so good! Of course we all have days like this.  I'm slowly getting over being sick, trying to take it easy not something I'm very good at. With many things I want to do but none are things I need to do! Not yet on solid food however, I will be soon if I keep doing the things I should and not the things I want to. It's nothing I did caught a bug putting my body into to a tailspin. Now that I'm able to sit up longer at the computer, it won't be long until I'll be playing in the garden dirt a bit late but that's okay. So Haven't been posting much anywhere until Friday. I've had a scanner for over a year finally learned how to use.

Here are a few old pictures of my Mom, and our home in Amery, WI. been missing the open sky's of home. After being stuck in the house so long!

Picture was taken in 1977 

This is Tony he fell for his nest, his eyes weren't even open when he decided, I was his Mommy. Did my best to teach him how to be a squirrel, he was never a pet. Once he was strong enough he moved and spent the rest of his life living in our backyard trees. Only squirrel our dog Rusty nerve chased, and he hated squirrels as much if not more then the mailman. 

This was taken at our family reunion in 2009

With Granddaughter Katie, Mom-Grandma and Nick

Everyone who could come had a great time! 

Taken on her visit to our house in Wisconsin 1997

Next to her is Peggy Hart, in white is my Auntie Alice.

That were affectionately called the snoop sisters by many

family and friends

Our house in Amery, Wisconsin.

View from Lake Beautiful 

The wild life.

Moved back to Minneapolis, Minnesota. In the fall of 2007 so I would be closer to V.A. Hospital. Miss it the most when I stuck in the house for too long. Now we live in a place that works great for me, and no one needs to worry about me, being so far away from a Doctors care. Jane loves the 10 to 15 minute commute instead of an hour and a half to and from her work in Minneapolis.