Even when all the cards are stacked against me and everything around me goes to shit, including what I'm able and capable of doing. Yes I get mad as heck at my body and brain for failing me yet again. Lose it from time to time, I break down and fall on the floor in pieces my will to fight is gone. After I have no more tears, realizing I'm still here and why in the heck I'm I sitting on the floor, remembering that my willingness to fight was gone, but I ain't dead. So now I have to get my rear end off the floor! Note to self! Next time don't fall on the floor, just sit in a chair! Okay I know how silly that may sound to some, if you've had pain you know what I mean. It's not about giving up, it's letting go which is much harder to do. Admitting that I have no control over what M.S. will take or do to me next. However it's still up to me how I choose to continue living my life, with the extra bumps from M.S. that gets in my way! With M.S. as my companion in life it's never dull.
It's fun working on a problem and learning different ways of doing things, the reason why isn't. Because it means M.S. has gotten in my way again and something has stopped working. One example is taking a cap off a bottle of Gatorade or water, my fingers are weak and fatigue quickly and I drop stuff a lot, so I like to keep the top on, saves me from have to clean up. Turning the cap on and off weakened the hand I was using to turn the cap, changing hands didn't work long enough. Then it came to me use the palm of my hand to hold the cap, then spin the bottle because it bigger, easier with less turns needed to open or close. Thinking outside the box isn't a big leap when your living with M.S. Having found many good tips from people living with M.S. Learning new ways of doing old things, isn't a choice it's more of a necessity. Like after I was stuck in the bathroom for an hour because, I couldn't turn the door knob to open the door, I tried using everything but nothing worked, all I had done was make my hands weaker. So I sat on the only seat, turns out a great spot to think! By the time I was able to open the door, I had thought of two ways that might work. Both worked end up putting step tread grip on the backside of the knob, the next day I did that to every door knob in the house.
The challenges that getting older and having M.S. brings. Looking at them as opportunities to learn new ways of doing, what I want to keep doing. Finding that by keeping my focus on the positive, negativity and fear isn't able to keep me down for long or as often. Facing the facts, seeing the changes to my abilities happening faster, then I can make the adjustments for. No rose colored glasses for me, nor I'm willing to make excuses for my life long companion M.S. for I have little to no control over it. Sometimes I'm able to minimize the effect it has on me and some day's I can't! So I do the best I can with what I've that works. Every day I continue to seek a balance, in my ever changing life with M.S.