Thursday, November 1, 2012

Where to start?

That's the hard part, I've been trying for a few days and failing. Allowing myself to be side tracked isn't hard with a puppy like Nacho, training plus reinforcing it over and over again is time consuming with M.S. reducing my energy levels has taken it's toll. Nacho is worth it, hes smart strong willed luckily not as stubborn as I am! He brightens my days and is great company. Nacho and I go for walks and is no longer afraid of my walker. Being a pointer any small animal or bird he sees he wants to chase but because of his training he doesn't. Thankfully hes a quickly learner or he would have dragged me, half way down the street walker and all. So he points I say leave it and we move on most of the time I'm happy to say.

Jane's mother had been sick for a long time and passed away October 11, 2012. John her youngest son has lived with her all his life. Losing his best friend and Mom on the same day has been hard on him, John has problems and has not lived on his own, he took good care of his Mom. She hung on to life for him until Jane  let her know that we would make sure John was okay. We are helping him so he can stay in the only home he has ever known. Time will tell if he'll be able to make it.

The reason why this has been hard to write is, the spasms of my heart muscle are continuing, more annoying then worrisome on the scale mom used, it's two springs poking through on my side of the bed. The ringing in my ears is at such a high pitch and loud, making it harder to concentrate or sleep. Using headphones helps it doesn't stop the ringing, it does make it easier to deal with and that's good enough for now. Being unable to speak in a way, that can be understood by anyone, is happening more often and lasting longer. It's so frustrating wanting to join into a conversion or answer the phone! When I try to speak what comes out isn't what I wanted to say the words are all mixed up or come out as sounds, I'll try again which makes it worse. So far losing physical abilities has been easier to handle. Because I'm able to find a way to work around or make adjustments to how I do the thing's I want to get done. My vision is a pain closing one eye, isn't working as well, because my eye gets tired faster. I used to love watching action movies, sports and fireworks on the T.V. Now the switching from scene to scene, seem to happen much faster it's too much information for my brain, I'll feel sick to my stomach and headache, then I'll see four of everything and it's all moving around, all I can do is close my eyes and be very still. The really weird part is with my eyes closed, I'll see waves of colors floating in and out of view. When it stops I'm able to open my eyes again, as long as I don't try to focus on any one thing, I can get where I need to be laying down in bed but I don't fall asleep, I just wait until I see two of everything that's what my normal vision is. Most of the time I just listen to the T.V.

Walking and training Nacho helps me deal with the stress. The fall colors have been beautiful this year even with it being so dry. Watching the oak trees  slowly changing colors has been great. However the leaf's building up on the sidewalk makes walking a bit harder, so the walks are getting shorter most of the trees have lost their leafs the oak trees are the last to fall. Soon the city will clean the streets and the season of brown will begin and our walks will get longer again. Do hope we have more snow cover then last winter, if not we are keeping leaf's around the base of the trees to help so the roots don't freeze and to retain water to prevent too much winter kill last year was a hard one on trees. With Nacho I've started using more hand signs, clicks, ticks and sounds along with the word commands (when I can say them) so either one will work Nacho is learning fast. When we walk I'm using the come-along leash, hes a dog and loves smelling who has been around, so I allow him a five count then give him a light pull after another 5 count I pull again a bit firmer and he comes. Never using enough force to make him choke or cause him pain. Because I want him to know it's okay to be a dog, it's a big part of his charm! When we walk there are rules we both must follow to keep everyone safe, he seems to understand that.

Writing this has taken much longer then I thought it would and is longer then I wanted it to be. My M.S. seems to be progressing faster, I hope with my stress level dropping I'll even out and go back to a slower pace of progression.  
 I'm head over heels in love with Nacho Man.

Living loving life
Is a choice
That is made everyday!


Sherri said...

So sorry to hear about Jane's mother. And John - I hope he succeeds living on his own. What a great thing that will be for him. I'm sure he's quite lonely and the adjustment must be huge for him.

Nacho sounds like a dream of a dog. Amazing how great dogs can be... it's as if they know how we are, what we are feeling, and how best to cheer us up or help us on our way.

I'm with you on the progression of things - I've handled the physical much better than the mental or speech aspect of it. I am just beginning the journey of cognitive issues at a more serious level. Getting lost, difficulty following conversations, hard time finding words, and sometimes really hard to understand what I'm hearing. Some days the English language sounds like Hobgobblin to me.

Muffie said...

Mary, I'm so sorry for all that's been happening to you. All those symptoms seem like too much of a burden for one body. Then the heartache of losing Jane's mother and caring for John -- too, too much! Nacho is adorable, and I'm glad he's able to take your mind away from all that's happening.

Mary K. Mennenga said...

Sherri, Thank's many people are pull for John he is a great guy. Nacho is a blessing for sure, am so glad Nacho sees Jane as the alpha in our household it's nice knowing shes in control. Cognitive issues still put me into a nose dive. Your right "Finding it hard to understand what I'm hearing" that's exactly what it feels like.

Mary K. Mennenga said...

Muffie, Thank's I'm sure many could top my list. Nacho is great and able to make me laugh at his cute puppy ness.

Have Myelin? said...

I'm pulling for John too. It's hard to lose someone and it really takes a toll on one's health. I'm shocked at how much my own has declined since Nicole died - not something I'm aiming for but something I'm fighting against. Heartbreak is powerful.

And yes, it is VERY frustrating when people can't understand you... I'm sick of the phrase "please repeat" and there are times I want to tell everyone to learn sign language since I had to learn to lipread THEM. =) Of course that isn't fair. HA!

Nacho is a cutie and love his name! I am glad you have him.

Mary K. Mennenga said...

Myelin, Thank's he is good guy and misses his Mom, she was 87 years old. John is 48 hes a trusting soul, would give away everything, if someone told him they needed it.

I know why people don't understand me. Some People just don't actively listen, to those I talk quietly and slowly. People should try to meet half way.

Nacho is like sunshine.