#7 Reflection When you truly love

When you truly love

By Mary K. Mennenga

It's given freely without conditions or limitations

Because it's a gift not given for gain

The only risk is yours by opening yourself up to someone

Showing how precious that person is to you

Understanding love isn't blind what love gives you

Is the ability to see past flaws accepting people just as they are

Love doesn't make you vulnerable it's what makes you human

With your heart comes Love, with your mind comes understanding

With both parts working as one you gain wisdom learning Compassion is what feeds your soul 

SO YOU THINK DOING X-MAS TAKES CHRIST OUT OF CHRISTMAS?

Taking Christ out of Christmas is really much harder then you may think! The use of the letter X means; 1.Christ 2.Christian, so useing X-mas is only an abbreviation for Christmas. For me no matter how it's written, the spirit of Christmas, is about not what I get or how much the gift I give costs or the amount of time it took me to find just the right gift. It's about the giving that's done from the inside this can and sometimes does costs more, than the price of the most expensive gift I've ever given. To me the very best gift I've ever received is the gift God gave to everyone! Love, hope and grace in the form of his only begotten Son. About the cost of this gift we have all been given, accepting it is only the first step, sharing the love with everyone without judgement or condition the same way it was given to you. Remembering I'm flawed making me unqualified to judge anyone and if I stand in judgement of anyone so shall I also be judged, I do my best not to do that trying to just live and let live knowing we are all flawed. Realizing I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, just like every body else.

GLUE

In every group of people there seems to be that one person, who I'm going to call Glue. Who is the one that holds all the different personalities together. When Glue isn't there for whatever reason, the group become dysfunctional why is that? What makes that one person so important?
     Is it because Glue is so loved by everyone in the group. That each person is willing set a side their differences and to play nicely with one other, at times not saying what you really think or feel. Instead holding back so Glue won't get upset because of friction within the group. The group works as a team not letting the little things get in the way of visiting with Glue.
     I'm very sure Glue saw it for what it was, and was very happy the group was willing to do this for Glue's sake. Glue was very smart and was willing to take what Glue could get sometimes even if it was a bit of an illusion, Glue didn't mind Glue just missed things the way it used to be before some of the first members had gone, that's all.
     Glue knew the group had changed as all things and people do over time. Glue knew everyone in the group loved Glue very much and Glue loved everyone very much. This does not mean the members of this group don't love and care for each other because I'm very sure we all do. With each being raised by very strong willed and independent people it's the history we all share together that will always unite this group. Knowing if needed the group will always be there to support each other. Plainly put basis don't change! 

Tis the season of change and of Hope and Joy

     As the cold north winds of November, start blowing across Minnesota. Having had the first snow of the season a short time ago, the changing from fall to winter has begun. When the amount time spent outside depends, on how many layers of clothing I'm wearing and not how much I have yet to do, before the winter snow covers everything in a blanket of white. It's the time for replacing rakes with shovels, lawnmowers with snow-blowers. Garden gloves are put away until white is replaced with green once more.
     It's no mistake I'm sure, that the holidays come this time of year. To distract me just enough so I don't notice or mind, that my little spot of the world has gone to sleep or so it seems. Now I've gone from trying to keeping the heat out to trying to keep the heat in.
     With the coming of the New Year. The memories made this year are more good with only a few being sad. As for the bad just aren't worth holding on to, so I don't!
     Having to say goodbye to my Mother in April. Missing her isn't anything I need to get over or work through, it's just the way life works. Knowing she is free and reunited with her family and friends, everything is as it's should to be. For me being able to feel her love surrounding me is more than good enough for me. As she told me many times "Dying is just the last piece of living we have to get done. Now if you don't handle it well then I didn't do a good job of teaching about life! Did I." So I will miss her and life does go on, just as she told me it would. 

A gift Mom made

I've learned since my mother passed away

That she has given me a gift

I didn't know she had been making for me

 Or that she had started it even before I was born

Now whenever I think of her

I can feel the blanket she made

Of love surrounding me

Best part about is that I am not alone

I know she made one for everyone who loved her

Because that's the way she has always been

Mom didn't love anyone the most

Mom only loved them longer

That's all!

As for my brother's and me

She was the first person to love us

Even before we were born

I truly believe Love is the most powerful emotion.

Because of it's ability to heal the soul.   

About why I've been negative lately

     I try not to dwell on the negative, the majority of the time I'm a glass half full kind of person. But for awhile I've been a bit down, according to a very few I've been in a deep well of despair. On Sept. 27 I saw my doctor he told me the MRI showed a very large number of legions scaring. That there isn't anything that can be done to stop my double vision from getting worst. I've had  it for over fifteen years, over time it's gotten worst the images keep getting farther apart making reading almost impossible without magnify it 150%. Thank goodness for computers making it much easier to read, watching television or movies that changes images by jumping from scene to scene gives me a headache the pain from it affects  my vision even more. So I'll listen and use my imagination to fill in the parts I can't watch. Knowing nothing can be done fix it,  I got depressed and very negative about everything.
     Until Wednesday a doctor from the research study group I'm a part of, called and was very surprised when I answered the phone. He told me it was rare for a person with the amount of scaring (legions) I have to have no active legions, as well as my apparent and now obvious ability of higher function (walking,talking). He had many questions we talked for a long time. He told me the reason for calling was to request permission from my caregiver to keep me in the study group.
     This is the best news I've gotten in a very long time! I sat there after we hung up, inside I was jumping up and down and running throughout house, I'm not physically able to that. I'm soaking all of this information in I'm still processing it. I've got to stay on top of other things that are wrong, and continue to do all I can to minimize the effect all of it has on the rest of my life.
    Some Q & A: Q:Will I get what I've lost back? A:No. Q:Will a Lose any more ability's? A:Time will tell if or when it becomes active again. Q:Is there anything you can do to prevent it from becoming active again?  A:Yes and no, by not getting sick or getting an infection, it's unclear how long it will last or why it stop.
     I'm just very happy and now understand why I've been able to sleep for more than 4 hours without waking up with nothing working and having my muscles so tight I can't move them or even think about moving because it just makes them even tighter. For the first time in many years, I've slept for eight hours all at the same time 3 times and didn't wake up racked with pain and with every muscle seeming to be trying to pull me apart. Do I think God answers our prayers? absolutely positively yes, Thank you so much to everyone for sending good thoughts my way and or praying for me.

Friendship And The Loss of Hope

Is the best way to keep a friendship...

...To not talk about what you believe?

...To not talk about anything but what you both agree on?

...To hide your pain and fear's as well as your dreams and joy?

...To share only what is safe, and can't be misunderstood or taken in a negative way?

...To keep your distance so you don't get too close that your feeling show?

...To tell only what you think they want to hear?

...Don't ask what they think about something it may make them uncomfortable?

...Talk about the weather, sharing how you feel about it can be risky so be careful?

...If you don't hear from them for some time only call once!

...You don't want to bother or upset them!

...If you don't hear from them again don't worry, not everyone going to like you

...They aren't willing to take any risk, it's better to just let them go

I believe any kind of  friendship requires that risk's are taken by both people, a willingness to accept that each point of view isn't right or wrong it's just how they each see it. Understanding when it become about only who is right and who is wrong and neither one is willing to accept it's not about winning or losing.  It's understanding each other's right to disagree. If two friends can't set a side their differences and see the possibility of compromise and understanding. That's when  you see a possible future without compromise or understanding. When people live in fear, when money is more important then compassion and hope.

HAND-ME-DOWNS

     As a kid 4~11 years old my family consisted of my Mom,Dad and my 2 brother's and me, our Aunt's,Uncle's and cousin's, as well as friend's and their children. My mom was affectionately called Auntie by many. Our house never seemed to be empty, people came and went all the time. To me it was always filled with love and mom could always find room, for one or more. At times some had the floor for a bed but no one seemed to mind. With one bathroom, learning to share was the first lesson we all learned. Everyone shared what they had and no one did without. Anything that was no longer used was offered to anyone who needed or wanted it or knew someone who could use it. 
     I don't think any of us thought of each other as an extended family we have always been family, so growing up I really did have a big family. Having that many kid's in the hand-me-down pool was great and being the youngest girl did have it's advantages.
     I know some people don't care for hand-me-downs but I loved them as a kid and still do. We had more boy's then girl's. Lucky for me, one of my Auntie had two daughter's and both had great taste in clothes throughout my life that's where most of my hand-me-downs came from. Across the ally from our house was a wonderful older woman who was a seamstress and did the alterations to most of my hand-me-downs and make some of my dresses and clothes too they all fit great. One day I was over to pick up and pay her for the alternations she had finished, as she was doing some final touches to a pair of pants. She told me about a disagreement she once had with her husband, he had told her she owned him. She went into her sewing room, pulled out her little note pad that was her record, of what she earned from the seamstress's work she did. Totaled it up walked back into the room he was in, put it in front of him and informed him "no mister you own me 10,000.00 dollars." To say she was a strong woman would be an understatement she was fierce, in the best of way's. Now this happened long before I was born. As she finished the pants she reached over and pick up a small note book and said that will be $3.50 after I handed her the money she marked it paid.
     The two of them were so sweet to all of us kids. Her husband always had wonderful stories and didn't seem to mind my always asking him questions. My favorite question was and still is why? 
     Many years later when my mom got hand-me-downs from family and friends she give me the first pick at what she had, before she took them to church for the rummage sale. For most of my life the majority of my clothes have been hand-me-downs. After I started high school, every year for Christmas I knew my Auntie would give pajamas and from my mom she gave me underwear and sock's and on my birthday I got a tee shirt from my Auntie.
     The hand-me-downs I've gotten over the year's, most were like brand new. The last hand-me-down jacket I was given was from my cousin's daughter that she had used for years. I've used it now for 13 years it's still in good shape, so I've pass it on this year. I can't remember the last time I purchased a winter coat. I don't think I'm cheap, all I've looked for was something to keep me warm, if it looked nice it's was a bonus. Now that I've paid for one, I know I never did thank her enough for it! My new one was 50% off and from last year, I really hope this one lasts as long as my hand-me down did. The last few years I've been getting my mom's hand-me-downs. Mom passed away in April now she's with all of her family and smiling down on all of us from heaven.
     I've been wearing other people's clothes for such a long time. It's about time I start wearing and buying my own clothes that are my style. Thank goodness for sales even on sale WOW! it's all good. I'll still wear hand-me-downs for around the house and out in the yard until I cut them up for rag's.
     A few are just a comfort, because who's hand-me-down it was. It's like getting a hug the whole time I have it on. Hand-me-downs will always be apart of my wardrobe just not as big as it used to be.
     I do have a favorite hand-me-down it's a pair of pajamas hand-me-downed to my mom and then to me. They are over 18 years old and very dear to me, letting go of them someday will not be easy.

I CAME TO LEARN AND DO A BIT OF RESEARCH

What I've learned is that when money talks the truth ends up getting tossed. I didn't want it to be true but I can't deny the truth I've seen. Many of the things I didn't want to be true, the fact is they are nothing I do could or would change anything. I'm not upset really, I knew that with questions come answers and when I honestly looked at both side. What I found was more questions than answers. Now I haven't given up on hope, I have just decided that being a realists is the only way to live my life my way. It doesn't change who I am or what I believe, nor is it going to stop me from doing the best I can with what I've got to work with. It's just the way it is, love and compassion still live and hope really never dies as long as we have faith.

ARE WE BUYING INTO FEAR AND HATE!

Fear and hate have been the driving force behind, most of the wars that have been waged throughout human history. Why can't we just live and let live? Is it because we see things as, right or wrong? Are the one with the might always right? Because of their power and the ability and willingness to use force?

     Now don't get me wrong, I understand a few wars had legitimate reasons and the ends justified the means of why they needed to be fought. From my prospective, fear and hate seems to have replaced love and compassion. That yelling louder than anyone else seems to have replaced having an open debate, where listening and understanding each other's point of view. Without being demonized for not agreeing. Referring to some people as "those kind of people" as if they are beneath the person who is speaking. Has yelling so loudly that no one else can be heard, is that really freedom of speech?