As the season of sticks is replaced by the season of white and cold.
For me it's the simple things that make living life grand, so here are few of mine; When I'm in that moment just before I begin to laugh. Listening to a story that I'm sure I know how it will end, and it turns out I was wrong. Watching as the squirrels and birds seem to work together so all get their fill. Seeing a rain fall change everything from brown to green, walking out just as it stops and hearing the ground soaking it up, some folks call it watching the grass grow. Seeing each season come and than go.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
This Thanksgiving is different.
For the first time in my life I don't feel it's necessary, to go anywhere for Thanksgiving. Jane and I decided we are going to stay home, it's the first time that it will be just the two us. Got all the fixings before the snow started falling. A good thing because it's really coming down, no it's not a repeat of last fall yet. It will warm up and be gone before Turkey day. The first snow fall of winter was a mix of wet heavy snow, sleet and the white fluffy stuff. It has all become ice and I'm really glad I don't drive any more!
With my physically abilities slowly slipping away, things are a bit more challenging that's all! Still not giving in or giving up that continues as always, and picking my battles very carefully. Being more cautious about where and what I'm putting my energy into. With limited resources I don't waste it, by knowing the choices I make have ramifications, that can and have stopped me dead in my tracks, taking day's or even weeks to recover from. Finding a balance isn't easy when I don't know what I'll have to work with each day.
My new normal is a loss that I'm not adjusting to very well, it started a while ago, with a high pitched ringing in my ears. Have I mention how much I loathe and despise high pitched noise, it's very distracting to the point that it's almost impossible to get and stay focused. When it drops down a few octaves its much easier to deal with, no need to worry I'll find ways of work around it. In the last few weeks I've noticed I fatigue faster and it's taking longer to recover, with these two things it's affecting my ability to communicate verbally and to write. Change isn't one of my strong suits, honestly I've never handled change well. It's the reason I call change adjustments makes me feel more in control, I prefer to face life head on with open eye's.
The adjustments I've made to lower my stress level. First I'm not going use chat on face book, the type is too small for me to see. The second is talking on the telephone, some folks will find this hard to believe because, I could and did spend hours talking on the phone mostly with Mom. When talking with other people much longer then they wanted too. I've been told this many times, "You can turn a ten minute phone call into an hour or more!" a bit like my mother. Now I don't even answer the phone because, it's so frustrating trying to listen and talk, after I hang up, trying to remember why they had called what it was all about I even started taking notes Grrrr. It's just gotten to be too much of a hassle, face to face is easier to handle but, the best way I think is to just use e-mail, this way they can respond, when they have time. So far it's working out great for me, no longer do I need to give it a second thought, if I'm bugging them or not.
With my physically abilities slowly slipping away, things are a bit more challenging that's all! Still not giving in or giving up that continues as always, and picking my battles very carefully. Being more cautious about where and what I'm putting my energy into. With limited resources I don't waste it, by knowing the choices I make have ramifications, that can and have stopped me dead in my tracks, taking day's or even weeks to recover from. Finding a balance isn't easy when I don't know what I'll have to work with each day.
My new normal is a loss that I'm not adjusting to very well, it started a while ago, with a high pitched ringing in my ears. Have I mention how much I loathe and despise high pitched noise, it's very distracting to the point that it's almost impossible to get and stay focused. When it drops down a few octaves its much easier to deal with, no need to worry I'll find ways of work around it. In the last few weeks I've noticed I fatigue faster and it's taking longer to recover, with these two things it's affecting my ability to communicate verbally and to write. Change isn't one of my strong suits, honestly I've never handled change well. It's the reason I call change adjustments makes me feel more in control, I prefer to face life head on with open eye's.
The adjustments I've made to lower my stress level. First I'm not going use chat on face book, the type is too small for me to see. The second is talking on the telephone, some folks will find this hard to believe because, I could and did spend hours talking on the phone mostly with Mom. When talking with other people much longer then they wanted too. I've been told this many times, "You can turn a ten minute phone call into an hour or more!" a bit like my mother. Now I don't even answer the phone because, it's so frustrating trying to listen and talk, after I hang up, trying to remember why they had called what it was all about I even started taking notes Grrrr. It's just gotten to be too much of a hassle, face to face is easier to handle but, the best way I think is to just use e-mail, this way they can respond, when they have time. So far it's working out great for me, no longer do I need to give it a second thought, if I'm bugging them or not.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
The brain, body and or mind and heart?
After looking at what the brain does automatically, without us needing to think about it at all. With all the data, studies and research that's been done and or are still on going. The answer's are theories and hypothesis! Researchers and scientists question each others scientific method. The most honest I've found are the few that said "this technology is in it's infancy". This hasn't been a waste of time at all, I've learned that many of the huge long words that are used is a fancy way of saying "they aren't really sure"! Here is what I have learned and witnessed myself.
The three parts that make the body work are; the Brain, central nervous system (nerves and spinal cord) and muscles including tendons, ligaments and everything else. The most important is the central nervous system. It works as the body and brain's information highway, everything goes through it and it's a two lane highway. More about that in a bit. M.S. as we know is a scaring on the nerves in the brain and on the spinal cord, we all understand it sucks. None of us would wish it on anyone!
So much is still unknown like how or why the central nervous system, continues sending signals from the brain to the muscles and the muscles keeps sending signals back to the brain. When so many seem to get lost. This is painful because the scars in the brain get in the way, of the message from the muscle saying it's done, doesn't always get through so it just keeps doing what the brain told it to do pull. Even though the other muscle's used to do what needed doing is done, those messages got through and the muscle's stopped pulling right away. Getting people who don't have m.s. to understand this rarely happens, even as they watch the tears of pain roll down my cheeks some just turn away! The few that have helped by rubbing the muscle, have told me it's a bone but when it finally stops pulling a few thought they broken something, but the look of relief on my face tells them the truth. The central nervous system keeps sending the messages back and forth giving the brain and muscle a chance to make a new connection it's not a reconnect. As long as the brain is learning it's making new connections all the time. No I'm not saying it can make anyone better, a lot of the time there is no way to repair all or any of the damage done by M.S. and to stroke victims and people with head injury. However there are some that are able to regain abilities again, in the research studies of people. That Doctors have said they will need to be in long term care for the rest of their life. Because to much of the brain has been damaged. There are many case studies of people who, can and do end up living alone. There are many theories as to how this happens, but with no smoking gun to prove anyone of them right, it seems to be hit or miss. The One theory that I think makes sense to me anyway. Is that the brain and muscles are making or finding new or different pathways of communication, by passing or working around the damage. Of course it's hard to prove this theory, partly because the people are busy living their life. To sit through all the tests Doctor's who told them they would never be capable of anything that they are doing. Don't blame them one bit, when they don't feel anything is wrong with them. Only a very few get back most of what was lost, to function as they did before but somehow they seem to find a way to enjoy what they have and continue doing the best they can with what they have to work with.
This of course is only my opinion from the research I've done, and my own experience of watching and seeing what the brain is capable of recovering from.
My Auntie Jo after her stroke while having triple by pass surgery done. The only MRI they had was the one right after her heart surgery. According to the Doctor she had lost 2/3 of brain function. She never would sit still so they could do another MRI. It took her two years of rehabilitation to be capable of living alone and for over 14 years that exactly what she did. She did her own cooking, cleaning, bathing and dressing. Later she moved out to California easier to get around no snow, most of her children had moved out there years ago. Twice a year she came back to Minnesota for the state fair in the summer and in February to go with her two sister's on vacation to a resort in northern MN. The one thing she said when I asked her how do you do it? "Do what! Just move it or lose it that's all, ain't nothing to it!" as she shrugged her one shoulder.
With this and the research I've done in the last month, reading what people with seemly just mind over matter and heart, are able to do. All I'm able to do is stand in awe of them. Here are a few of the statements some of the people from the research I've look at, have used to describe how they do that they do: The impossible just takes longer. It all just figured it's self out. Patience, persistence and thank God for some good luck. My Doctor quit on me, telling my kids I was too old! Heard he died a few year ago, I don't give up or quit maybe that why I'm still kicking and he isn't!
As I'm sure you have noticed, not one of them really told how they do that they do. Not sure if they really know how they do it or not. Understanding now why research in this area maybe harder to do. When it seems people don't know how they do what do themselves.
So take it as you will.
So much is still unknown like how or why the central nervous system, continues sending signals from the brain to the muscles and the muscles keeps sending signals back to the brain. When so many seem to get lost. This is painful because the scars in the brain get in the way, of the message from the muscle saying it's done, doesn't always get through so it just keeps doing what the brain told it to do pull. Even though the other muscle's used to do what needed doing is done, those messages got through and the muscle's stopped pulling right away. Getting people who don't have m.s. to understand this rarely happens, even as they watch the tears of pain roll down my cheeks some just turn away! The few that have helped by rubbing the muscle, have told me it's a bone but when it finally stops pulling a few thought they broken something, but the look of relief on my face tells them the truth. The central nervous system keeps sending the messages back and forth giving the brain and muscle a chance to make a new connection it's not a reconnect. As long as the brain is learning it's making new connections all the time. No I'm not saying it can make anyone better, a lot of the time there is no way to repair all or any of the damage done by M.S. and to stroke victims and people with head injury. However there are some that are able to regain abilities again, in the research studies of people. That Doctors have said they will need to be in long term care for the rest of their life. Because to much of the brain has been damaged. There are many case studies of people who, can and do end up living alone. There are many theories as to how this happens, but with no smoking gun to prove anyone of them right, it seems to be hit or miss. The One theory that I think makes sense to me anyway. Is that the brain and muscles are making or finding new or different pathways of communication, by passing or working around the damage. Of course it's hard to prove this theory, partly because the people are busy living their life. To sit through all the tests Doctor's who told them they would never be capable of anything that they are doing. Don't blame them one bit, when they don't feel anything is wrong with them. Only a very few get back most of what was lost, to function as they did before but somehow they seem to find a way to enjoy what they have and continue doing the best they can with what they have to work with.
This of course is only my opinion from the research I've done, and my own experience of watching and seeing what the brain is capable of recovering from.
My Auntie Jo after her stroke while having triple by pass surgery done. The only MRI they had was the one right after her heart surgery. According to the Doctor she had lost 2/3 of brain function. She never would sit still so they could do another MRI. It took her two years of rehabilitation to be capable of living alone and for over 14 years that exactly what she did. She did her own cooking, cleaning, bathing and dressing. Later she moved out to California easier to get around no snow, most of her children had moved out there years ago. Twice a year she came back to Minnesota for the state fair in the summer and in February to go with her two sister's on vacation to a resort in northern MN. The one thing she said when I asked her how do you do it? "Do what! Just move it or lose it that's all, ain't nothing to it!" as she shrugged her one shoulder.
With this and the research I've done in the last month, reading what people with seemly just mind over matter and heart, are able to do. All I'm able to do is stand in awe of them. Here are a few of the statements some of the people from the research I've look at, have used to describe how they do that they do: The impossible just takes longer. It all just figured it's self out. Patience, persistence and thank God for some good luck. My Doctor quit on me, telling my kids I was too old! Heard he died a few year ago, I don't give up or quit maybe that why I'm still kicking and he isn't!
As I'm sure you have noticed, not one of them really told how they do that they do. Not sure if they really know how they do it or not. Understanding now why research in this area maybe harder to do. When it seems people don't know how they do what do themselves.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The fall winds have been blowing
For weeks now my goodness! Still have many leafs that need to fall, winter isn't far away now. Stocked up on bird food, still need to do more winterizing. So far I've heard 1) It's going be a repeat of last year 2) Colder without as much snow 3) More snow and less cold. What I do know is it's coming no matter what it brings, it will be dealt with as always with a bit of moaning and groaning of course! It can't be controlled too many things to factor in.
My herbs didn't make into the house so I'll be starting them from seed, most were to big to come in the house anyway. In May hopefully I'll be able to put them outside. Planning the garden will help me get through the winter I'll wait until February to make a firm plan, in March I'll start getting my seeds, all my starter pots are cleaned up and ready just waiting. Got some bulb's to put in next spring. The outside of the house is just about done, just need to get the last bit of raking done.
Love this time of year bright sun shine without the heat and dew points in the mid 30's high today 50 feels almost heavenly to me, no overheating did get a little warm just stopped in the shade cooled me off right away. All tucker out came into the house for a rest, sat and watched the birds and squirrels at the feeder they are very entertaining as they gather all they can and hide it away. The birds that stay here are getting a bit rounder. Less of the ones that are flying south but they are easy to spot, so thin and lean little flying machines. A group of them comes in and the bird feeders empty in not even an hour. They stay for a day or two at the most and off they go again won't see them again until spring, when they'll do the same thing. Could sit and watch them all day. If only I could find a way to get the leafs to fly into the bags, yes that is a bit of a stretch! Now begins the season of trying to keeping the heat in!
My herbs didn't make into the house so I'll be starting them from seed, most were to big to come in the house anyway. In May hopefully I'll be able to put them outside. Planning the garden will help me get through the winter I'll wait until February to make a firm plan, in March I'll start getting my seeds, all my starter pots are cleaned up and ready just waiting. Got some bulb's to put in next spring. The outside of the house is just about done, just need to get the last bit of raking done.
Love this time of year bright sun shine without the heat and dew points in the mid 30's high today 50 feels almost heavenly to me, no overheating did get a little warm just stopped in the shade cooled me off right away. All tucker out came into the house for a rest, sat and watched the birds and squirrels at the feeder they are very entertaining as they gather all they can and hide it away. The birds that stay here are getting a bit rounder. Less of the ones that are flying south but they are easy to spot, so thin and lean little flying machines. A group of them comes in and the bird feeders empty in not even an hour. They stay for a day or two at the most and off they go again won't see them again until spring, when they'll do the same thing. Could sit and watch them all day. If only I could find a way to get the leafs to fly into the bags, yes that is a bit of a stretch! Now begins the season of trying to keeping the heat in!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
#33 relfections Misunderstanding
Misunderstanding it's not a choice
By Mary K. Mennenga
It's your life to live
The choices made from this point on aren't going to be easy
Priorities will need adjusting to allow for more flexibility
Realizing there is a way around or through any obstacle
That lands in the path when willing to think outside the box
Everyone has limitations no one is alone
In needing to deal with limitations of the mind and body
Because no one does something the way you do
There is no right or wrong about it
Instead it's finding a way around a limitation
To do what needs doing done
Having been independent, self-reliant letting go of control
Is a process that takes time adjusting to!
With understanding and patience from everyone
And yes that applies to us most of all
Because you aren't in control of what's taken from you
Trusting your own decisions is hard
Fear by it's self will stop the ability to reason things through
Thought into action isn't what it used to be
With the lines of communications spotty at best and or blocked
Very little is automatic about us
It's by trial and error, we get anything done
It's not about wanting or needing to do something
It's if able to do anything
Finding anyone outside of M.S. to understand this is rare indeed
For the few that took the time to understand
I truly want to thank you
Thought into action isn't what it used to be
With the lines of communications spotty at best and or blocked
Very little is automatic about us
It's by trial and error, we get anything done
It's not about wanting or needing to do something
It's if able to do anything
Finding anyone outside of M.S. to understand this is rare indeed
For the few that took the time to understand
I truly want to thank you
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Now it a year since I started this blog.
Looking back over the year of my posts, I haven't written on a wide range of topic's. My written reflections were the main reason I started this blog, for the most part I've gotten more good feedback than bad. Being added to M.S. bloggers and having some of my writings on The Carnival of M.S. Bloggers has been a highlight for me. Lisa thank you so much for finding me, I had tried to find other M.S. Bloggers for months with no luck at all on my own.
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