This Thanksgiving is different.

For the first time in my life I don't feel it's necessary, to go anywhere for Thanksgiving. Jane and I decided we are going to stay home, it's the first time that it will be just the two us. Got all the fixings before the snow started falling. A good thing because it's really coming down, no it's not a repeat of last fall yet. It will warm up and be gone before Turkey day. The first snow fall of winter was a mix of wet heavy snow, sleet and the white fluffy stuff. It has all become ice and I'm really glad I don't drive any more!


With my physically abilities slowly slipping away, things are a bit more challenging that's all! Still not giving in or giving up that continues as always, and picking my battles very carefully. Being more cautious about where and what I'm putting my energy into. With limited resources I don't waste it, by knowing the choices I make have ramifications, that can and have stopped me dead in my tracks, taking day's or even weeks to recover from. Finding a balance isn't easy when I don't know what I'll have to work with each day.


My new normal is a loss that I'm not adjusting to very well, it started a while ago, with a high pitched ringing in my ears. Have I mention how much I loathe and despise high pitched noise, it's very distracting to the point that it's almost impossible to get and stay focused. When it drops down a few octaves its much easier to deal with, no need to worry I'll find ways of work around it. In the last few weeks I've noticed I fatigue faster and it's taking longer to recover, with these two things it's affecting my ability to communicate verbally and to write. Change isn't one of my strong suits, honestly I've never handled change well. It's the reason I call change adjustments makes me feel more in control, I prefer to face life head on with open eye's.  


The adjustments I've made to lower my stress level. First I'm not going use chat on face book,  the type is too small for me to see. The second is talking on the  telephone, some folks will find this hard to believe because, I could and did spend hours talking on the phone mostly with Mom. When talking with other people much longer then they wanted too. I've been told this many times, "You can turn a ten minute phone call into an hour or more!" a bit like my mother. Now I don't even answer the phone because, it's so frustrating trying to listen and talk, after I hang up, trying to remember why they had called what it was all about I even started taking notes Grrrr. It's just gotten to be too much of a hassle, face to face is easier to handle but, the best way I think is to just use e-mail, this way they can respond, when they have time. So far it's working out great for me, no longer do I need to give it a second thought, if I'm bugging them or not.       

This my rant: May and might

Before you start reading this, I'm not a doctor and I have no answers this is about my own observation of what I'm learning after doing a few day's of research. This is a rant born out of frustration after doing that research

Trying to understand why after years of research. That many of the research study findings said it proved, this may or might be a factor in why people get M.S. Maybe I'm just not smart enough or am I so dumb, that it's all going over my head God I hope not!  Okay isn't the reason for doing a research study to prove that a statement is fact! This where I get lost, when I read may or might be a factor wouldn't that make the findings inconclusive! So the findings have proved what we already know the environment is a factor in M.S.

Now about M.S. drug's that starts out with.We are not sure how or why this works. However it did seem to help 70% of the people in our research control study group, what is not said is the part how many dropped out of study or the + or - % margin of error, In very small print about the long term results the projected figures are +/-10 to 15%  52% many of the studies are  run by the drug company that will produce it  and profit from the sale of it. No it's not a cure, lets not forget there's very little money to be made in finding a cure, when much more can be made by looking for one. Two days of wasting my time was a bit upsetting, learning that making money is more important then... Sorry I just can't finish that statement.

Yes some research that's done is honest and truthful I know. It just seems to be more about the money than the well being of the patient.