# 6 Reflections At what cost

At what cost

By Mary K. Mennenga

When you love it fills the heart with joy

When it's gone the feelings of loss and emptiness
Can become so overwhelming

Each day waking wishing for just one more day

But knowing that would never be enough

As time passes realizing a love that remembered

Isn't really ever gone
The heart is amazingly capable of holding a lifetime of loves
Each love that's shared changes and teaches
That with love comes great joy that fills the heart
With acceptance and a sense of belonging
Not to but with someone
Making the impossible seem almost possible

# 5 Reflections Love is not blind

Love is not blind

By Mary K. Mennenga

However by focusing so tightly on one aspect of life

It distorts everything even what we've been focusing in on

By taking a step back and widening our view

We realize our life hasn't really changed

Only our focus had changed

We begin to see opportunities instead of obstacles

Understanding the adjustments needed

Will have to come from within

To open ourselves to all the wonders living life has to offer

By keeping our focus on all the love we have to share

We are less likely to lose our focus on all aspects

Of loving the life we are living

# 4 Reflections Without hope

Without hope

By Mary K. Mennenga

It's been said all we need is love

Without faith are we really capable of love?

If we'll put hope first fear and hate can't gain a hold

Faith that the sun will rise and set each day is the first step

In learning each dawn brings a new day

Will we choose to fill each day with love and a zest for living!

Where trust and joy are more than just words

Where hopelessness and fear have no power

Realizing all things good or bad in time will pass

How will you measure your life

Do you feel you truly lived your life  

Why it may seem I don't write about m.s.

Yep I have multiple sclerosis however it will never define who I am, does it impact my life of course. That doesn't mean I'm willing to let it take control of me or change who I've always been. Everyone has things they must deal with to continue being who they are some big and some small. No matter it's name if your going to die from it or if you wish it would just get it over with and kill you. No matter what we are all going to die it's just the way life works, nothing anybody does will stop it from happening, well not yet anyway.

The only part we are responsible for and have any control of is the living part. Each one of us needs to decide for ourselves if  and how we are going deal with the hand that life has dealt us. This is a choice with no right or wrong answer and one only you can make it. 

As for me I will not quit or give into fear or hopelessness, m.s. is just one piece of my life and I refuse to give it anymore power than it already has. It's the reason why I titled my blog. It is what it is, until it isn't what it once was. Whatever life bring my way I'll handle it, it's my life and I will not let anything stand in my way of living. Does that mean I accept everything it does to me NO! Do I think the way I look at is the right way goodness no! It's just the way I've found that works for me. It's taken a long time and a great deal of misdirected anger on my part to get to the point of accepting I'm not in control of what it does to me. All I can do is make the adjustments I need to, so I can continue just being who I've always been me.

My reflections #1 My Dream

This wasn't my first it is the one that started my putting them  together as My written reflections. This I wrote after waking  from this dream I had, shortly after the death of our dog Honey Girl. The reason I wrote it in two different formats is because my mother wanted more details, since she was the first person I had told about it, she already knew the details and liked it in the story form, other people liked it better this way so I kept them both.

My Dream

By Mary K Mennenga

Last night I had a dream about

All the dogs, cats and animals I've known

It was an odd dream because we understood each other

We knew it wasn't my time to be there, I was just visiting 

Rusty came running towards me with the same ball he had when I found him

Right behind him was Honey Girl without a rock

As we were greeting each each other I noticed they both had all their teeth

They always have toys, balls and someone to play with 

As we played all our favorite games, running and swimming

Without pain or fatigue for anyone of us

As we laid in the grass in the shade of a tree

Tony a squirrel I had helped came down and sat on my shoulder

As I looked around I saw all the wild animals

I had watched throughout my life

I felt them welcoming me to stay awhile longer

Everyone started stirring so we started playing again

Then I heard a dog whine so softly, the dogs started walking away

The dream started fading away I didn't want it to end

Calling for Honey Girl three more times

She finally turned and smiled I realized it was time to go

The whining got louder waking slowly

I called Grey Girl she came to the side of the bed

I tried getting out of bed but this is the real world and I have M.S.

Giving Grey Girl hugs and petting her until I was able to get myself out of bed

It was the best sleep I've had in years

Waking with so little pain I know we will be whole again

Until then I'll settle for visiting them in my dreams

  

Winter came early this year!

And it's shaping up to be a wild one all over the world. In my little spot in the world, it's a mess and I'm running out of places to put all the snow because here we don't get above 32 degrees more than a hand full of times until March, which is also your snowiest month of the year. What the sun manages to melt, just ends up becoming ice when the sun goes  down anyway.  When spring finally does come to us in Minnesota I feel sorry for anyone living near the Mississippi and Minnesota rivers because they will both  reach flood stage and stay that way for awhile. The Mississippi flow south all the way to the gulf of Mexico. The Minnesota is more problematic because it flows south through St. Paul then slowly turns to flow north to Canada so it floods almost every year. Knowing that everyone is or will be needing to deal with some kind of weather or the after math of this weather, that hasn't been seen before. Some may say it's a sign of the end of days, sorry but I strongly disagree after taking the life blood out of the earth, at such a high rate for so many years, I think every thing  that's happening now is related to what humans have done. We think we're so smart without looking at cause and affect of what our actions will have on this planet we call home.

This last part took on a life  of it's own, it is what I think and how I feel so I'm going to keep it in. Realizing if we don't start learning from history. It will continue repeating it until the day we finally understand when greed is allowed to remain unchecked a free market sytem only works for a few and not for everyone. As most of us know a free lunch isn't really free.

How many civilizations have died off that we don't know the reasons why? In the last hundred years, we have learned many things that's true, in all honesty we know more about outer space then we know about how this planet works and why it works. Everything has a price tag if people need it to survive the price goes up if people don't want it anymore it's value becomes zero. When the life of one person becomes more valuable then another and when profits are more important then the people who made the products that made the profits in the first place. The stock market is a form of gambling that can, has and will be manipulated by a few and wall street always wins. Going public by putting your company in the stock market is the fastest way of losing control of it. Because once other people own shares you end up working for them instead of doing what best for you and the people that work for you. The love of money is greed and wall street doesn't produce anything yet the ceos make up to a 100,000% more than the lowest paid employee, I don't believe that's a wise way of doing business, however it will make you very rich. But at what cost?