Been working on one of the first pages I did.

When I posted this the first time I couldn't read it through and now I hope it will be easier to read. Sorry about that folk's!
The title in pages is "This is the dream I had" the whole title is. 

Shortly after I lost my best friend

Who just happened to be a dog.

This is the dream I had

Working on this page has always been hard. Jane and I got Honey girl as a puppy just six weeks old, all of her life 13 and half years. Honey girl and I did everything together, making some jobs harder to get done, I really didn't mind she kept me entertained, with the ways she tried to help. Most of the time it involved a rock or a ball, some how she thought it would help! 

The last six mouths of her life had been hard on all three of us. Honey had gotten sick becoming so dependent on me she wouldn't even go outside without me and if we could she wouldn't stay outside long enough to get her business done. When she lost her hearing and her always needing to be so close to me. It had caused me to fall many times, some were very painful for me because I made sure I didn't fall on her. Now this wasn't information I cared to share. Honey girl had gotten to the point that if she couldn't find me, she got so upset, it made her sick. Sleeping in bed was out of the question because the bed was too high for her to see me, so she would whine. So I started sleeping in my chair, with the added stress my M.S. really started acting up. Jane was trying to help but Honey girl wouldn't do anything without me, so of course I just got madder at my body for not doing what I asked of it and that just made the M.S. worst yet, at the time blaming Jane and myself was easier. Because I refused to blame Honey girl I loved her so much. Honey girl got much worst unable to get up without help and lost all control of her bodily functions. It was time to stop her suffering. Jane and I knew, Honey Girl hated going to the vet. she would be sick for days even if it was just a check up. Neither of us wanted her to go through that kind of stress. A friend knew of a vet that would come to the house to put her down in her own bed, with me and her toys all around her.

When the vet came Honey girl seemed so happy to see this vet! Honey wasn't one who let people pet her, when she first met them, she had always been shy at first unless, you wanted to play catch or to play with her toy. The vet and her assistant had nothing like that, but Honey girl pushed passed me to greet them. Did she know why they were there? Was she glad they were going to put an end to her suffering? The vet give her a check up and told me how very sick Honey was, it would have only been a matter of days before she would have passed away on her own. The vet was surprised she had lived this long considering how sick she was. Honey girl and I went outside and played catch one last time and she went potty! We went inside and she went straight to her bed and laid down with her toys, I was petting her as I watched as the light in her eyes slowly faded away. A few weeks later I had gotten some sleep and was beginning to get my energy back, then I felt so guilty I cried for hours, in the hallway it still smelled like Honey Girl. Then I started thinking was the real reason I put Honey Girl down, for selfish reasons? That night I got my answer in the form of a dream, I didn't want to forget it! You know how that happens, so I called my Mom and told her about it. She stayed on the phone with me until I got it all down. (in pages it's This is the dream I had) I have only dreamed about the field of grass a few time, the last time was a few months after my Mom passed away. That dream I couldn't write down, it faded so quickly after I woke up. What I d0 remember is the feelings of love and peace it give me and that's good enough for me.

My reflections #1 My Dream

This wasn't my first it is the one that started my putting them  together as My written reflections. This I wrote after waking  from this dream I had, shortly after the death of our dog Honey Girl. The reason I wrote it in two different formats is because my mother wanted more details, since she was the first person I had told about it, she already knew the details and liked it in the story form, other people liked it better this way so I kept them both.

My Dream

By Mary K Mennenga

Last night I had a dream about

All the dogs, cats and animals I've known

It was an odd dream because we understood each other

We knew it wasn't my time to be there, I was just visiting 

Rusty came running towards me with the same ball he had when I found him

Right behind him was Honey Girl without a rock

As we were greeting each each other I noticed they both had all their teeth

They always have toys, balls and someone to play with 

As we played all our favorite games, running and swimming

Without pain or fatigue for anyone of us

As we laid in the grass in the shade of a tree

Tony a squirrel I had helped came down and sat on my shoulder

As I looked around I saw all the wild animals

I had watched throughout my life

I felt them welcoming me to stay awhile longer

Everyone started stirring so we started playing again

Then I heard a dog whine so softly, the dogs started walking away

The dream started fading away I didn't want it to end

Calling for Honey Girl three more times

She finally turned and smiled I realized it was time to go

The whining got louder waking slowly

I called Grey Girl she came to the side of the bed

I tried getting out of bed but this is the real world and I have M.S.

Giving Grey Girl hugs and petting her until I was able to get myself out of bed

It was the best sleep I've had in years

Waking with so little pain I know we will be whole again

Until then I'll settle for visiting them in my dreams