Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Been working on one of the first pages I did.

When I posted this the first time I couldn't read it through and now I hope it will be easier to read. Sorry about that folk's!
The title in pages is "This is the dream I had" the whole title is. 
Shortly after I lost my best friend
Who just happened to be a dog.
This is the dream I had


Working on this page has always been hard. Jane and I got Honey girl as a puppy just six weeks old, all of her life 13 and half years. Honey girl and I did everything together, making some jobs harder to get done, I really didn't mind she kept me entertained, with the ways she tried to help. Most of the time it involved a rock or a ball, some how she thought it would help! 

The last six mouths of her life had been hard on all three of us. Honey had gotten sick becoming so dependent on me she wouldn't even go outside without me and if we could she wouldn't stay outside long enough to get her business done. When she lost her hearing and her always needing to be so close to me. It had caused me to fall many times, some were very painful for me because I made sure I didn't fall on her. Now this wasn't information I cared to share. Honey girl had gotten to the point that if she couldn't find me, she got so upset, it made her sick. Sleeping in bed was out of the question because the bed was too high for her to see me, so she would whine. So I started sleeping in my chair, with the added stress my M.S. really started acting up. Jane was trying to help but Honey girl wouldn't do anything without me, so of course I just got madder at my body for not doing what I asked of it and that just made the M.S. worst yet, at the time blaming Jane and myself was easier. Because I refused to blame Honey girl I loved her so much. Honey girl got much worst unable to get up without help and lost all control of her bodily functions. It was time to stop her suffering. Jane and I knew, Honey Girl hated going to the vet. she would be sick for days even if it was just a check up. Neither of us wanted her to go through that kind of stress. A friend knew of a vet that would come to the house to put her down in her own bed, with me and her toys all around her.

When the vet came Honey girl seemed so happy to see this vet! Honey wasn't one who let people pet her, when she first met them, she had always been shy at first unless, you wanted to play catch or to play with her toy. The vet and her assistant had nothing like that, but Honey girl pushed passed me to greet them. Did she know why they were there? Was she glad they were going to put an end to her suffering? The vet give her a check up and told me how very sick Honey was, it would have only been a matter of days before she would have passed away on her own. The vet was surprised she had lived this long considering how sick she was. Honey girl and I went outside and played catch one last time and she went potty! We went inside and she went straight to her bed and laid down with her toys, I was petting her as I watched as the light in her eyes slowly faded away. A few weeks later I had gotten some sleep and was beginning to get my energy back, then I felt so guilty I cried for hours, in the hallway it still smelled like Honey Girl. Then I started thinking was the real reason I put Honey Girl down, for selfish reasons? That night I got my answer in the form of a dream, I didn't want to forget it! You know how that happens, so I called my Mom and told her about it. She stayed on the phone with me until I got it all down. (in pages it's This is the dream I had) I have only dreamed about the field of grass a few time, the last time was a few months after my Mom passed away. That dream I couldn't write down, it faded so quickly after I woke up. What I d0 remember is the feelings of love and peace it give me and that's good enough for me.

10 comments:

Diane J Standiford said...

Had to have vet take our parakeet. Never knew we could get so attached to a bird. I couldn't stay when vet put him to sleep. My partner held him. We both cried for days. He had stopped talking, playing and slept scrunched up on his baby perch. We were so relived after vet did autopsy and told us he had a terminal tumor. One day, sitting, holding each other and bawling our eyes out, we both jerked at same time to the distinctive sound of our beloved Arthur's wings flapping as they did when he would fly across the room. Your dream may not be far from reality.

Mary K. Mennenga said...

I'm sorry to hear about your Arthur. No matter the kind of pet it is a love runs deep. I do think your right, about reality. Jane for a while would leave a tiny bit of her food on her plate, to give Honey girl, that she just didn't have the heart to eat. For me it was the first snow fall that I had to shovle without her that was the hardest. Thank you so much

Travelogue for the Universe said...

It is so hard to euthanize and hard not to. The vet sounds cold hearted. This is a hard story to write and I love animals dearly. Have a great weekend.mary

Mary K. Mennenga said...

Mary, It was Honey girl who, was so happy to see and them. The vet was great and so nice, Honey wanted her pet her. It was honey that I think that was glad the Vet was there. Mary K.

nicole said...

So sorry for your lost. Isn't funny how sometimes pets can give us just what we need?
Well maybe funny is the wrong word. I've never gotten close to any animal, mostly because of fear. Fear of them biting me. Nevertheless I have always been awed by the closeness they offer.

Mary K. Mennenga said...

Hi Nicole, Thank's for stopping by. Yes I do still miss her more so when it's a boring or dull job I've got to get done. Fear is hard to over come for you as well as for the animal. Reflection #21 Did you know? May help you to understand a bit. Did you read in pages This is the dream I had.
For me animal's are easy because, you can't hide what your true feeling are for each other. Fear will bring out the worst in most animals and humans as well, at least that's what I've seen much of the time. Try to remember a dog is just as afraid of you as you are of the dog! Mary K.

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

It is funny what pets do give us...I do try to figure out why the MS gets worse also. I am glad you shared the memories on Honey Girl

Mary K. Mennenga said...

Thank's Kim@ I do write about her a lot, I should work on that.

Anonymous said...

my cockateil is my buddy he responds to me wakes me up in morning loves me to fed him seds and alerts me with a squeek if someone at my door,he is aklways here for me my cat is jealous if i talkt o him more than her.funny hoe pets can respond to getting fed and any attention,

Mary K. Mennenga said...

Be it human or pet all respond to being shown you care for and about them, they just know you love them and they love you back, it's the greatest feeling in the world to be loved back. Mary K.