When friendship's #30 Reflections

When a friendship changes or ends

By Mary K. Mennenga

Inspired by a very dear friend

Will show where the strength of your character is based

Is it based?

In resentment and bitterness with hostility and malice

What could be gained by this nothing?

But fear, mistrust and everyone keeps hurting

Then it's more about keeping score of who was hurt the most

The scar's it leaves on the heart's that never seem to fade

Or is it based

On understanding that no matter how hard we tried

Things don't workout the way we thought it would

It's not about blame or faults it's letting go

Understanding we've learned more than we lost

Gaining knowledge that sometimes letting go of a friend 

Is the best way, to truly be a friend to them

Remember the good and let the bad fade.

I know I will

A few tid bits and odd stuff

That I've realized over the years, things I still don't understand and some that I may have a handle on why I keep making the same mistake over and over again? Answer: Somethings just take longer to learn!

Doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result does not happen, no matter how hard I try! 

Knowing in my head what has been said is true, then why is it so hard for my heart to believe? Is doubt stronger than trust and faith no, that's not it! Because the mind is what thinks and the heart is what feels. So it's the mind that is trying to preventing the heart from getting hurt.

When doing a job half ass, that's exactly what it looking like when it's done.

The amount of time wasted trying to get out of doing something, is time I'll never get back.


Why is finding faults within myself is so easy, but fixing them is so hard.

Why after being told I did a good job or someone tells me I'm nice. Why do I think I'm being told what I want to hear instead of the truth, that I really suck at this.

Why do people not understand when I say I'm fine that I am and let me be.

Having a conversation that does not include M.S. is nice, when I'm enjoying a conversation about things like pets, babies and general news stories and focusing on all the good stuff! Why do people feel the need to bring up my m.s.?

One of the fastest ways to end a conversation is to start talking about politics, religion and or the economy and health care. Of which we have little control of anyway. Getting people to agree to disagree on any of these subjects is easier said then done, that's what I've found! But staying away from these subject's tends to leave a gap in what affects our life's in so many ways almost every day.

Taking the good with the bad isn't as easy as it sounds to do. Giving them equal value is harder still, but important for a honest balanced view.

Holding on to good memories is great, as for the bad just let them go! There is no value in carrying all that rubbish around with you, it only weighs you down. It's hard to move forward when you keep looking back at your life.

When judging the mistakes you made in your past, it's good to remember your not the same person you were back then. If you were you wouldn't see them as mistakes. Life really is a learn as you grow kind of thing. That's why it has a beginning a middle and an endding. And it happens to be true for all living things, well mammals for sure.

Yes there are many more I'm sure. These aren't answers to any questions, it's only looking from my point of view no matter if I'm right or I'm wrong, It's how I see it right now!
 

The fall season is here.

I do enjoy fall yes it is a busy time, with so much to get done so I'm ready for winter. Last year winter came in so fast I got caught with gas in the lawn mower, the snow blower still in the back of the shed. Granted I did need to cut the grass only two weeks before we got 6 inches of snow that didn't melt and was only added to until it final started melting in March. This year so far is starting out more normal with dew points below 50 degrees just two days ago the dew point was 38 degrees. In Minnesota the land of 10,000 lakes, dew points in the 70's and 80's isn't what we are knew for. In a few short Months we'll be back (hopefully) to highs in the 30's and lows in the single digits. This year I'm getting ready for it early, the garden will stay but some of the cutting back I'll start this week like the dogwood bushes and the spring plants. With some help I'll thin the hosta plants this year they got so big and thick, I'm thinking of putting them along the fence it would cut down on the trimming next year. Here are some the plants I grew this years with a few odds and ends added in.

These two below are now over 3 feet tall was told they won't grow too tall may 16 inches if that, my goodness were they ever wrong, I was planning to bring them in the house for the winter, I'm not sure I have the room for them now! 

 

 

This tropical plant and the flowers below it. To say it's rare for it to flower here in Minnesota outside, is an understatement indeed. Having had six blooms already and may still have two or three more yet to come is amazing!  

 

 

Yes I feed all who come be it squirrel's, bunny's and of course the birds. It became a circle of life feeder as a few hawk's came to dine as well thankfully they took their food to go. Most of what they took was mice and no one seemed sad to see them go.

 The bird feeders are for the smaller birds like sparrow's, swallow and the wren's, finch's and the small woodpeckers the downy and hairy. This one in the picture maybe Northern Cardinal but I'm not so sure, it sure is cute whatever it is.

Now that I've had my rest, it time to get back to getting things done. It is so nice to be able to be outside again, with all the heat we had this summer I didn't get to stay outside for long. Here's to hope for a longer fall then we had last year, the fall color's should be grand here with all the rain and heat we had this year. 

About the hawk's we live in the city but are just a few blocks from the Mississippi river that's where they nest the eagles will pass by us on their way to winter in Redwing, Minnesota, the hawk's tend to hang out here until the end of December. 

I'm part of the problem that makes M.S. invisible

Yep its true! This came as a shock to me, please give me a chance to try and explain what I mean. This is what I'm just beginning to understand about myself. When I'm attempting to tell people what M.S. is doing to me, knowing I look fine to them and many don't understand, telling me it's all in my head and their right just not in the way they meant it, people can't relate to what it does, for them it automatic they want to do anything and their bodies do it without them needing to think about it much at all. For them the lines of communication from the brain to the muscles and back again work's and yes I still remember when that was true for me as well. So understanding that's what M.S. does, isn't something they have experienced. Hell they don't even know how they do what they do half time anyway! Because they can't relate, I'm told to do what works for them (sound familiar?) and say, if your tired just take a nap! When I'm suffering from m.s. fatigue it isn't about needing sleep, I feel more like a dead battery what won't take a charge. When I do  take a nap as suggested I'll end up worst off then before! Because my brain and muscles aren't working as a team. Instead less than half of the messages from my brain to my muscles and my muscles telling my brain they're done aren't getting through. Making it feels like my own muscles are trying to pull my joints apart and not one of them is listening to me as I try and fail to get them to work together. That takes stress to a brand new level, as I slowly get my brain and muscles back under control for the most part. Now I'm back to where I was before I took the dam nap in the first place and now I'm running late! Still dealing with the stress from the one who said to take a nap. At this point I do wish they could live in my head for a minute, if they did maybe then they would understand but, more than likely they would come out stark raving mad!

Now this is the invisible part

How many people with m.s. tell anybody about the battles we fight every day just to function? Not many, well I don't anyway. What I do without even thinking, by the way I didn't know I was doing this until two weeks ago. Is to wear colors that  look good on me, I smile, laugh and ask people how they are before they can ask me. The little things I do without thinking like; opening my eye's, relaxing my face muscles. Lets face it there are a few things like bodily dysfunction's that even people who have them don't want to talk about! When people ask how I'm doing? I don't lie, when I say I'm fine because I am, the way I see it is I'm where I want to be with the people I want to be around and that's more important then what m.s. is doing to me every day.

The big one for me is when someone talks about the pain they are going through and tells me it nothing like what you go through every day, I nip that right away. Comparing one pain to another isn't the point, because understanding how pain can and does affect everything around me, doesn't make the pain they feel any less important to them. Knowing how pain can make even breathing seem almost impossible! If I don't want someone to dismiss my pain, how could I dismiss the pain their feeling. Knowing  just maybe I could help them in some way, to ease their suffering letting them know they aren't alone. 

The amount of pain suffered isn't important

It's the compassion learned from dealing with pain

That can make a difference for any one dealing with pain

Back from my family reunion.

Oh my! I had forgotten how much fun my family is. A good time was had by all, of course as always there was more than enough food with the leftovers we could have feed a small Army! Not to worry we don't waste food leftovers are a stable in the Kjenaas family and having some very good cooks doesn't hurt either so no one went hunger. Those of us watching our BMI didn't. This was about catching up having fun together as a family, there was a bit of drinking, involved of course just enough to loosen folks up a bit. It was a blast that will not be forgotten any time soon, I'm sure. In two years we'll do it again, spending time with family is great, I love all of my family.

I had the best time, I did all the things I wanted to do. My family understand that I do the best I can within the limits that m.s. has put on me. One look at me seemed to show them I'm okay and no need to worry about me. Not seeing one look of pity was great, not once did I feel I in the way. Having  a wonderful family helps a great deal, I also try not too stress them out by doing more than I should. The first day I came close I know, my limit was reached so Jane and I went back to the cabin so I could rest. That night people stopped by to visit, remarking that we had the smallest and cutest unit. The railing on the deck was just the right height to server as a bar rail, I made one more trip out to visit with family at my cousin Peter's was two cabins down from mine.

Cute little place.

Just the right height for visiting!

On Saturday my brother Brian pointed out that he had seen I was over doing it and he was concerned I put his fears to rest because Jane and I had dealt with that, so I didn't let it happen again. The rest of the family went to the amusement park, and or played golf and took the booze cruse on the lake, neither Jane or I wanted to do any of that. So we stayed at our cabin doing what we love doing cooking, relaxing and after our burgers the night before on the grill more flame then grill. There was no way I was going to have Jane cook her marinade mesquite chicken wings on that very dirty grill so I cleaned it, and was rewarded with her telling me it looked brand new! Not one flame up as Jane cooked 3 lbs. of her wings, while she was cooking I cut up veg's and making dip, and snacks for us. the reunion dinner was suppose to start at 6 pm, like anyone was going to hold this group to a time table that why I made us a snack okay lunch! I also needed to taste those wings 4 did the trick, same as always great! Jane makes great wings, some time after 7 O'clock the dinner got started after everyone seemed done eating and with only 8 wings left it was time for me to take a break and get the wings in the refrig, yep that will be for breakfast. Going back to the party after a rest, it was time for a dance, the gal's did a great job visited more, long day and I didn't over do it once, gave myself  a pat on the back for that one!

Sunday was cold 70 degrees and then it started to rain got the heat going so Jane could warm up. Going and getting my last visiting in and we checked out at noon and headed for home.