It seems: Time we either have too much or not enough. Even though each hour holds the same amount of minutes and seconds! Who decides when something is a waste of time or does it matter? Having been asked "why are you wasting time doing this or that?" Trying to tell people because it's important to me, for some unknown reason, I'm told no body will notice! Sorry but I will, are they saying I'm nobody I don't think so. Time is a funny thing, how it can fly when your having fun. How it can drag on like doing anything you have to do that you would rather not do but, it's one of those things you ought to do!
About the ought to do's, I understand some ought to do, I've got to do like: seeing the doctor, having blood tests, basic stuff that needs checking on because of having m.s. and age has also become a factor.
When it comes to family and friends at times it feels like I'm the ought to do thing! Of course I love them and I know they love me that's a given. It seems at times to be a bit forced. Calling me which I have told them is hard for me. Having asked to just send me an E-mail because, it easier for me to write than to talk on the phone because, I'm so easily sidetracked that after I hang up I don't remember half of the conversion it's so frustrating! Knowing I kept them on the phone much longer then they or I had intended. Not wanting anyone to feel they should or have to visit or call, if that's the reason I would rather they not come or call at all. With my family and friends the bond I feel we share is love, no matter if we see each but once or maybe twice a year or if only by Facebook or g+ and or e-mail. Love is always present between us no matter what. It's a matter of trust and don't trying reading between the lines for I haven't written anything there! No matter how far apart we are there is always a line of love that keeps us connected.
As for my blogger, g+ and m.s. friends. That I have only met profile to profile and shared somethings I know 98% of those things I've chosen to share, I wouldn't want to be shared with people who aren't going through this crap we go through each day as we work through the punches M.S. lands seemly everyday.To find and keep our new normal's as long as we can. The one thing I do know about M.S. if I'm not careful, it will stand up and kick my anal-orifice or butt or my
a-double-s! Please pick the one your most comfortable with.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
On April 13 it's 2 years since Mom's goodbye
The reason for this post is having a new tenant moving in and for the first time it's a man. Meaning the flowered wallpaper in the bed room had to go, the peach painted walls that looked more pinker and the flowered shower curtain. For a single man not a good vibe. While I was doing the updating by removing the wallpaper, patching the nail holes, replacing light fixture, and bathroom vanity. Painting using bold solid and darker colors, basically making it into a man cave! Kept thinking about my Mom and how much fun we had doing many of the same things at "2932" it's what everyone called our house. The memories of how it never seemed like a chore, just spending time together fixing things just the two of us. The many trips to the hardware store, with parts in hand because we didn't know the real name of it. All we knew was it's broken. 2932 was a very old house, Her Mother (Mayme) had purchased the home in 1944, the day they moved in, was the first time her Father (Oscar) had seen it. Each time Mom and I were fixing this or that, hanging a picture or stuff like that, her memories of her life within those walls, were very entertaining. Knowing it was Friday the 13 which doesn't bother me but this time it was. Then realizing it was April 13, I understood why I was having all the memories and why it was hitting me so hard.
Since my Mom has joined the rest of her family in haven. It may seem odd that I don't really miss her, how could I miss someone how is a part of who I am.
Before Mom (Auntie Adele and Friend) moved from "2932" Everyone in or close to the family knew one phone call to Auntie Adele (Mom) was the best way to find out how everyone was all my cousins would call or Mom would call them to talk about how things were going, and she would pass on all the good stuff. Remaining Mom, Auntie Adele and friend, by not sharing what wasn't hers to share, in one phone call all could get the family news of everyone who had talked to her. To be honest it's nice that now when we do get together, my family doesn't already know everything I've been doing.
Mom was the last one in her family to go; she wanted to make sure her brother and three sisters kid's we would be okay. Now it's the same as it was with her family. The sons and or daughters, of my Mom's brothers and sisters get together with their brothers and or sisters. For the most part we all stay in touch, Facebook is a great way to learn what and how everyone is doing. Every two years we all get together for a reunion which is a lot of fun.
Learning recently the relationship Mom and I shared was rare. She was the one who cut the apron strings, in a way of knocking herself off the Mommy pedestal I had put her on. When I stopped acting like a child, we were able to become friends She was my Mom and my best friend, She kept my secret's, taught me so many things here are a few of them: 1. The impossible just takes longer that's all! 2. Life has a beginning, a middle and one day it will end, that's why it works! 3. The only person in control of life is you if not, then it's not your life your living! 4. To remember all the smiles, laughter and fun with joy. In sadness and loss remember the love that was and is shared. From the bad learn the lessons it has to teach you and let go! 5. Don't live your life in regret of the choices you've made in the past, for your not the same person you were back then. Just do the best you can with what you've got to work, as long as it's your best, it will always be more than enough.
No I don't miss her, I remember her Jokes, how much fun we had the pranks she pulled on everyone. How surprised she was when all the neighborhood kids sang her Happy Birthday when she came home from work one year, yes I had told them it was her birthday, but they asked me if they could sing her happy birthday, when I opened the back door twenty+ kids started singing, it was priceless. Driving my Mom and Auntie Jo up to see their cousin Boot's and his sister Nancy a four hour drive. We were over half way there in the middle of nowhere the car started acting up turned the radio down trying to hear what was wrong my Mom started giggling, from the back seat as she leaning forward and rocked back making the car move! I yelled MOM what are you doing? Her answer was "Well I thought you may be getting bored!" The number of hours we spent talking on phone about everything and nothing at the same time. How she loved her family and the way she could always find something good to say about everyone. I'm grateful to her for showing that love can and should be given unconditionally to all the people you love, because it's a gift not given for gain. It's the heart knowing love can't be won, earned or forced it just is!
Since my Mom has joined the rest of her family in haven. It may seem odd that I don't really miss her, how could I miss someone how is a part of who I am.
Before Mom (Auntie Adele and Friend) moved from "2932" Everyone in or close to the family knew one phone call to Auntie Adele (Mom) was the best way to find out how everyone was all my cousins would call or Mom would call them to talk about how things were going, and she would pass on all the good stuff. Remaining Mom, Auntie Adele and friend, by not sharing what wasn't hers to share, in one phone call all could get the family news of everyone who had talked to her. To be honest it's nice that now when we do get together, my family doesn't already know everything I've been doing.
Mom was the last one in her family to go; she wanted to make sure her brother and three sisters kid's we would be okay. Now it's the same as it was with her family. The sons and or daughters, of my Mom's brothers and sisters get together with their brothers and or sisters. For the most part we all stay in touch, Facebook is a great way to learn what and how everyone is doing. Every two years we all get together for a reunion which is a lot of fun.
Learning recently the relationship Mom and I shared was rare. She was the one who cut the apron strings, in a way of knocking herself off the Mommy pedestal I had put her on. When I stopped acting like a child, we were able to become friends She was my Mom and my best friend, She kept my secret's, taught me so many things here are a few of them: 1. The impossible just takes longer that's all! 2. Life has a beginning, a middle and one day it will end, that's why it works! 3. The only person in control of life is you if not, then it's not your life your living! 4. To remember all the smiles, laughter and fun with joy. In sadness and loss remember the love that was and is shared. From the bad learn the lessons it has to teach you and let go! 5. Don't live your life in regret of the choices you've made in the past, for your not the same person you were back then. Just do the best you can with what you've got to work, as long as it's your best, it will always be more than enough.
No I don't miss her, I remember her Jokes, how much fun we had the pranks she pulled on everyone. How surprised she was when all the neighborhood kids sang her Happy Birthday when she came home from work one year, yes I had told them it was her birthday, but they asked me if they could sing her happy birthday, when I opened the back door twenty+ kids started singing, it was priceless. Driving my Mom and Auntie Jo up to see their cousin Boot's and his sister Nancy a four hour drive. We were over half way there in the middle of nowhere the car started acting up turned the radio down trying to hear what was wrong my Mom started giggling, from the back seat as she leaning forward and rocked back making the car move! I yelled MOM what are you doing? Her answer was "Well I thought you may be getting bored!" The number of hours we spent talking on phone about everything and nothing at the same time. How she loved her family and the way she could always find something good to say about everyone. I'm grateful to her for showing that love can and should be given unconditionally to all the people you love, because it's a gift not given for gain. It's the heart knowing love can't be won, earned or forced it just is!
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