It's okay to be a Dog

By Mary K. Mennenga
The pain and heartbreak you must have endured
Over the years
If we could go back and fix what went wrong

We would in a heart beat

Knowing and watching how far you had come

To Having it end this way

Has broken our heart's

Our time together was short

We'll never forget how you followed me around

Or the light you brought back into the house

You'll always have hearts that love you

I'm sure you've met some of our dear friends

Where you are

Now when Honey Girl teaches you to play keep away
It isn't my favorite game

No matter what she may say
We'll see you again
Remember you are Loved 

The signs were there.

But my heart wasn't willing to see.

When Jane and I saw Ben on the Golden Valley Animal Humane Society web site, the more we read it sounded like a good fit for us. Because Ben was just 2 years old under weight they said he just needed a loving home. After we met Ben and spent time all together he warmed up to us and we started falling in love. So we started the paperwork of adoption, we both felt he needed us as much as we wanted him.

As we got the intake paperwork it didn't really match up with what we had been told or read on the web site. On the top it said Ben was seized because of cruelty/neglect but it also said he did not live with other animals. We were told  Ben was one of 220 dogs that lived in two trailer near Bemidji, MN. it also said he weighted 21 pounds but he only weighted 18 pounds. At the time this seemed like a minor over sight because of the number of dogs that came in with Ben.

Jane and I took Ben to the Vet to get him checked over and to make sure he was okay. The Vet told us the tarter buildup on his tooth and other signs put him at least 4 but more likely 5 years old. Of course in the week we had Ben, he had learned how to go up and down stairs and was gaining strength he seemed afraid of everything and everyone but Jane and I. Knowing Ben had lived most of his life in such horrible conditions, I questioned my judgement but he was doing so good and we loved so much. Ben got along fine with Owen and Grey Girl and his fear seemed to be changing into curiosity. When I took Ben in to get his Nails cut he bite the guy trying to clip him of course I blamed the guy because, I didn't want to see it for what it was. When Ben started growling and showing his teeth at Jane, because I need her help to get out of bed. We both down played it, we spent a lot of time teaching Ben how much we both needed Jane. Jane took over feeding him and she was the only one giving Ben treats. We both believed Ben had learned, he was interacting with her in positive ways. Until July 12 when I was taken away by Ambulance, at first I didn't see the change in him or maybe I didn't want to. I had been sick since the first of June it was really taking a toll, in that time I had lost around 25 pounds. A few weeks ago Jane, Ben and I were playing together on the floor when without reason or warning Ben bite Jane on the head it was a very good thing her face wasn't within his reach or it could have been much worst. This was now his second bite, there was a change in Ben's behavior even with me, I told Jane if Ben bites again I'm sorry but I'm not sure he can be trusted. On Wednesday night I had to go to the V.A. hospital Jane and Ben dropped me off. After I was done I called Jane to come and get me. When Jane and Ben got there I saw Ben had bitten her again, this time it wasn't a bite and release he chewed on her hand and didn't let go. Jane has a deep puncture wound on her left hand just below her thumb with chew marks on her palm. Jane kept saying it was all her fault, Jane wanted me to give Ben another chance! Telling her some times there are issues, that all the love we have can't fix.

As I was leaving Jane was crying telling me "Please give him one more chance for me." Even after being bitten twice Jane loved Ben so much she wanted him to stay. That's a risk I'm unwilling to take, Jane did nothing wrong if there is anyone to blame it's me. Hindsight is 20/20 if only I had been willing to see each bite for what it was. Jane's hand will heal, as for her heart that will take more time.

As for me the bond Ben and I made in life, will one day be renewed because I know all dog's go to haven.

Ben

Has bitten Jane for the second time and this one sent her to the doctor, it was a bad bite and Jane did nothing to cause this she keeps saying it was all her fault, but I know she is wrong. It's a very sad day for all of us. There really is no choice, Ben will have to be put down. It's not what best for us it's about what's best for Ben. Many friends are trying to make me feel guilty about this I don't. Having a dog that bites unprovoked isn't a pet and it's only a matter of time before he will bite again.

To be honest I guess I'm writing this because I feel horrible about failing both Ben and Jane. If it was just a bite and release out of shock but, it's wasn't he grabbed on and chewed, not wanting to let go. Just needed to write this out because of how bad I feel for both of them. Jane's hand is torn up bad, of course it will heal but that really isn't the point. Neither one of them feels safe and that's not a good place for anyone.

How Ben learned to fetch.

Would like to say it was me but, honestly I very little to do with. Since Ben came to live with us Owen has been Ben's  best buddy. Owen is our friend and neighbor Lisse's dog who loves to play fetch and tug of war. When Lisse goes out of town we get to take care of him, he is wonderful and easy going little man. On Owen's first visit we were playing and Ben was just watching, Owen starting running around me and gave the toy to Ben who used it as a pillow. Owen did this until Ben had all the toys and was sound asleep on top of them. Over Father's day weekend Owen stayed over again, much to my surprise as Owen and were playing Ben started to join in, the three of us playing fetch and tug of war. It's great watching Ben feeling safe enough to have fun being a dog.

With play Ben is getting stronger and growing more confident. The shaking in fear is being replaced with curiosity. Hes warming up to Jane too that's making it easier on both of us, since I've been sick he's learned that without Jane's help I'm stuck! So instead of growling and showing his sharp white teeth at her, he wines softly to her, what a good dog hes becoming.  

   

More pictures of Ben

Ben is getting over his fear and is becoming more at home here.

Got him a new bed was told "it's too small for him"

Try telling him that spends most of his time in it.

I think he feels safe in it!

Ben is gaining weight slowly which is good, getting stronger each day. Not ready for a long walk yet, many short ones is working well for now. If taken to far he just stops and lays down, only happen once, not willing to push him too far.  Ben has barked once, a friend came over for a visit, Ben was in his new bed  he bark as she  came in. Maybe he is beginning to feel this is his house and wanted her to know it, I sure hope so.

I've been around Dog's most of my life!

     But I've never seen or heard of a dog that’s afraid of squirrels, that is until we got Ben. If I had not seen it I would not have believed it myself! Took Ben outside to do his business, he was walking around to his favorite spot on the south side of the house. Ben came to a dead stop looking but not moving, tucking his tail as I got closer and looking around the corner to see what could have gotten inside our fenced in yard to scary him so much. What I saw was a small SQUIRREL sitting under the bird-feeder holding a half-eaten nut! The squirrel looked as afraid as Ben; I was now right next to Ben thinking now he’ll go for the squirrel. But NO Ben started slowly backing up, as the squirrel was continued to finish his nut, I took one step toward the squirrel and it run under the fence and was gone, I had to call Ben to get him to come so his business trip wasn't wasted. Okay I thought maybe it was a fluke. Took him out yesterday same reaction, too a different squirrel, this time I took a step toward the squirrel and it was gone. Still had to call Ben to do his business, as you may know I feed birds and squirrel so I’m hoping this behavior stops soon if not we’ll need to find Ben a new favorite spot or move the bird-feeder out of the backyard, which I’ll do if Ben can’t get passed his fear. Today we’re going to look into the calming nervous dog stuff. His fear is too strong; don’t want him to have a heart attack over a squirrel!


As a side note the temperature here this morning was 59 degrees a new record high low temperature and we'll set a new record high for sure! Normal high temperature here for today is 43 degrees! Many folks around here are wearing shorts and tee shirts.   
 

I can't help myself

A time line in reverse

How did this happen 

Watching this guy come 

Out of fear seeing him become

Curious 

  Had a bath it was wet!

I smell Good

Sounds becomes

interesting 

Ben was okay if he next to me 

Still so afraid 

His biggest fear

People

Starting to settle in
Feeling safe

Jumping at every sound

Afraid of everything even me!

Seeing how far Ben has come in such a short time

Is a wonderful thing to see

Seeing eyes go from terror to trust

A hand reaching toward him triggering fright

To having him reaching out to be touched

Looking forward to watching

As Ben opens up to the world around him

Without fear

Learning he's loved and accepted

From this point on he is in

His forever home fulled with love   

Update on my buddy Ben

It been a bit rush, wasn't going to dog sit until Thursday, but Grey Girl human mom e-mailed on Monday that she wanted me to dog sit Grey Girl on Tuesday, let her know about Ben, by e-mail that she said she didn't read it. Ended up having Grey girl the rest of the week, they got along fine. It set back some of the training Ben needed before Thursday when Mr. Owen would be staying with us while his human Mom went to visit her sister, they came over on Tuesday afternoon so Ben and Owen got to know each other, with us all together Ben even let her pet him a bit, there were no problems.
Wednesday was good Ben and Grey girl got along great both slept most of the day, nice break for me. About 9 O'clock that night the tenant started going through her boxes stacked 5 feet high, filling her side of the basement, having hard wood floors you can hear what's being said shes not a quiet person, I understand she needed to get it cleaned out. Wouldn't have been a problem if she had stopped at 11 O'clock, and didn't have her music up loud and trying to talk to her friend who was helping her at 2:30AM she stopped. Ben was upset and shaking, didn't want to go out
Thursday had Ben, Grey girl and Owen they all got along great, Ben still needed to be very close to me, when Jane got home from work Owen followed her everywhere, as he always does when he is here, he is her bed partner, that's Jane's favorite part.
Friday was a rush as the tenant on the other side of the duplex was packing and starting to move out with all the noise Ben wasn't dealing with it well at all. He got so jumpy and afraid, some of it rubbed off on Owen add in Grey girl, as we were all going out the tenant's friend were coming in, Ben ran back into the house and jump up on the table. I knew he needed to go out to go potty, thought it was safe, it wasn't in comes the tenant and friend again, grabbed Ben to get him outside but we didn't make it out fast enough, did half his business on me and the floor, got it all cleaned. Got all three back in, got Ben calmed down was playing with Owen Ben doesn't know how to play yet Ben was laying just behind me, when Owen ran around me and gave Ben the toy oh my what a sweet little man he is! Ben laid his head on the toy, Owen did this  until all the toys were around Ben, Owen is a sweetheart.
Saturday and Sunday went the same as Friday just no Grey girl, and more people coming in and out, at all hours and it seemed they did so as LOUDLY as humanly possibly! Mr. Owen was great thank goodness he can bark, very good at it I'd like to add it helped Ben a bit. Mr. Owen has a great human Mom thank's Lisse.
Monday was the get rid of crap day, piles of boxes everywhere...ect! That night Owen's human Mommy came to pick him up. Oh was he happy to see her, not sure but it almost sounded like Mr. Owen said "Mommy get me the heck out of here!" Tuesday was major moving day what a cluster muck, sounded like a herd of elephants with Jane home I put my five most calming CD's in and cranked it UP Ben went to sleep more from exhaustion I think, it was raining a bit that night everyone got some much need sleep. Almost done!
Wednesday they got it all packed up and ready rolled out of here at 11pm. we did the walk through it was empty, what a mess good thing she had a cleaning lady coming on Thursday don't know what she paid the cleaning lady but it wasn't enough! the place looked great all shined up like a brand new penny.
Ben is doing great, after hes gotten some rest and me too. Ready for the weekend the new tenant won't be moving in until the end of April! Thank goodness we now have some much needed peace and quiet!

My friend Kit thought I should add Pictures of the three dogs so I have Thanks Kit;-)

Mr. Owen

The big one is Grey Girl

This is Ben